Navigating Dark Thoughts to Find Inner Strength. I have lost count of the days spent just lying in bed, consumed by the darkest thoughts. Each day felt like an endless cycle, each one just the same as the last, where I had become a zombie with little to no interest in anything at all.
It’s been about seven years since I wrote that first post, diving into the darkest parts of my mind and the struggles I was facing back then. I remember those days well—the weight, the endless cycle of bleakness, and how each day seemed like a copy of the last. Putting it out there wasn’t easy, but I knew it was something I had to share. Since then, a lot has changed. I’ve gone through my fair share of challenges, made strides I never thought I could, and found myself in places I never expected.
I won’t say I have it all figured out, but I’ve learned a lot about resilience, the power of community, and how to keep moving forward—even when it feels like everything’s pushing back. Revisiting those words now feels like seeing an old wound healed into a scar. I’m sharing this updated version because I know the journey through darkness is one that many people face, and if my experience can offer even a small light to someone else, then it’s worth every word.
The only bright spots were weekends—moments when I would have my daughter and the dog, and those were the only times I felt remotely alive. During the lowest points of those days, I often thought, what was the point? Why was I here? I would replay the same questions repeatedly in my mind, and the answers I imagined were always bleak. The thoughts scared me; they filled me with an intense fear and dread that seemed inescapable. Some of the thoughts were so dark, and I would run them over and over, like a loop I couldn’t break free from.
Suicide vs. Feeling Suicidal
There is a big difference between suicide and feeling suicidal. Feeling suicidal often means being overwhelmed by dark thoughts without necessarily wanting to act on them, whereas suicide involves a decision to end one’s life. Navigating Dark Thoughts to Find Inner Strength, Both share a similar mindset, but the key distinction lies in intent and action. It’s important to understand that feeling suicidal doesn’t always mean you want to die—it means you want the pain to end. It’s an emotional plea for an escape, and sometimes that escape feels impossible. Recognizing this difference can be the lifeline someone needs to understand they are not alone and that support is available.
Statistics and trends are very scary—for example, in 2021, over 700,000 people died by suicide worldwide. That number represents not just individuals, but families, friends, and communities torn apart by loss. Sadly, the stigma surrounding mental health still exists despite high-profile campaigns and efforts to raise awareness. Many people are afraid to seek help because they worry about being judged or misunderstood. We need to normalize these conversations and make it okay to admit that we are struggling. Mental health is just as important as physical health, and we need to treat it with the same level of care and attention.
How Would It End?
I often thought about how I would do it—how I would end the darkest thoughts, end the pain. In reality, the pain never ends; it just passes to those closest to you, those who love you unconditionally. This realization haunted me. I knew that if I ended my life, the burden would fall on my loved ones. They would have to carry the weight of my pain, and that was something I couldn’t bear. I hated the thought of causing them the kind of suffering that I was feeling.
I hate taking pills, so that wasn’t an option. Hanging myself or cutting myself—again, not an option. Jumping from something? No. I knew and had gone through it in my head so many times: it had to be water. Water has always had a draw to me, be it swimming in the river as a kid, paddleboarding, kayaking, or wild swimming. There is something about water that both calms me and connects with the deepest parts of my emotions. Most of my walks are near water—be it the canal, the coast, the river, or the waterfalls in the mountains. Water felt like a fitting place, somewhere that had always brought me peace, even in the darkest of times.
One Day
One day, I found myself in the car on the way to the sea. I had decided today was the day. There wouldn’t be many, if any, people at a secluded beach in atrocious weather. Music on, I knew exactly where I was going. In my mind, the darkest thoughts, and the pain I was in had to come to an end. I was exhausted—mentally, physically, and emotionally. It felt like I had nothing left to give.
I drove down the dual carriageway towards Newport, down Malpas Road, and onto the M4, heading west. As I approached Tredegar House, a song came on that jolted me, and snapped my mind out of its thought process—technically, this is called “breaking state.” It’s amazing how one moment, one song, can change everything. Pulling off the motorway, I drove around to Tredegar Park, parked up, turned the engine off, and cried like a baby. It wasn’t just a few tears—it was a full release, a deep, gut-wrenching sob that felt like it came from the core of my being.
Picking up my phone, the screen saver opened: a picture of me and Ffion. This brought me back to my senses. In that picture, we were smiling, truly happy, and I could see the love in her eyes. As I do every day, I give gratitude for her being in my life. I tell her in one way or another that I love her every day. I used to do the same with Lewis. They are my reasons for being, my reasons for fighting through the darkness. Sitting there, I opened my phone and sent her a message—just a simple “I Love You Tinker X.” It was enough. It was enough to remind me of what truly mattered, to pull me back from the edge.
Fear
At the basic level, fear guides our fight-or-flight responses and helps to keep us safe and alive. Fear heightens your senses and awareness; it keeps you alert and helps in better preparation. For example, when I was faced with a challenging hike, fear made me double-check my gear, plan my route more carefully, and stay focused throughout the journey. Fear, in that context, became my ally. The negative side of fear is when it holds you back from doing something positive—when it stops you from taking the steps that could lead to growth or happiness.
My fear at that point was never holding my Tinker again, never having a pint with my boy. Those fears became my reasons to keep going. They say we only grow on the other side of fear, and I truly believe that. Fear can help us to:
Focus and concentrate on what matters.
Heighten awareness of our surroundings and emotions.
Acknowledge and gain enlightenment about our struggles.
Prepare and plan for overcoming obstacles.
Dissect extremes and find balance.
Remove barriers that limit our potential.
Break the routine and push ourselves into new experiences.
Positive Fear
There are other positive aspects to fear and breaking out of the comfort zone. Fear pushes us to grow, to explore new paths we might not have considered before. It’s easy to stay in our comfort zones, where everything feels safe and predictable. But growth happens when we step beyond what is familiar and when we take risks despite our fears. It’s in those moments of vulnerability that we discover our true strength.
This post has been in draft for a while. I have held my finger over the publish button a few times and then just saved the draft. There is a vulnerability in sharing something so deeply personal, but I know that if my story can help even one person, then it is worth it.
Breaking the Silence
Constantly, I say we need to have a conversation regarding mental health every day, not just some random week in the year. My purpose in writing is to raise awareness—to let others know they are not alone and that there are plenty out there suffering the same feelings. The more we talk about it, the more we break down the barriers and stigma surrounding mental health. No one should feel ashamed or isolated because of their struggles.
Please feel free to share among friends, and among social media groups that you are in, and please, please, please talk. Check-in on the ones you have not seen in a while—those that have strangely gone quiet. Often, it’s the people who seem the strongest who are struggling the most. And as always, I am here at any time of the day or night to listen. It’s okay not to be okay, and it’s okay to reach out for help.
Building a Community
I am thinking of setting up a group where we get together to talk, go for walks, maybe even cook, and have open and supportive conversations. There is something powerful about sharing experiences and connecting with others who understand without judgment. I have lots of thoughts in my head at the moment on my direction and purpose, but one thing is for sure—they are positive, not the darkest thoughts I once had. I want to focus on growth, on healing, and on creating a community where we can all lift each other.
The only time I will be walking into the sea is for fun. I am trying to get in there soon—just have to work the timing between the seasonal storms. There are many health benefits to cold water—be it contrast showers or wild swimming—but that’s another post. Cold water has become a symbol of life for me, a way to embrace the present moment fully. It’s invigorating, it’s challenging, and it reminds me that I am alive.
Love to you all x
The Latest UK Suicide Statistics
In 2023, the UK registered 6,069 suicides, equating to an age-standardised mortality rate of 11.4 deaths per 100,000 people—the highest rate since 1999.
Gender Disparities:
Males: Accounted for approximately 75% of suicides, with a rate of 17.4 deaths per 100,000—the highest since 1999. ON
Females: Experienced a rate of 5.7 deaths per 100,000, the highest since 1994.
Age-Specific Rates:
Males aged 45 to 49: Had the highest rate at 25.5 deaths per 100,000.
Females aged 50 to 54: Had the highest rate at 9.2 deaths per 100,000.
Regional Variations:
England: The North West recorded the highest rate at 14.7 deaths per 100,000, while London had the lowest at 7.3 per 100,000.
Wales: Reported a rate of 14.0 deaths per 100,000, an increase from 12.5 per 100,000 in 2022.
These statistics underscore the persistent and significant public health challenge posed by suicide in the UK, highlighting the need for targeted prevention and support strategies.
FAQ: Navigating Dark Thoughts to Find Inner Strength
Q: What should I do if I feel overwhelmed by dark thoughts? A: Start by recognizing that you’re not alone, and many people face similar struggles. Reach out to someone you trust—a friend, family member, or mental health professional. Talking about what you’re going through can relieve some of the weight and help you gain perspective.
Q: How can I help someone I know who may be struggling with dark thoughts? A: Listen without judgment, show empathy, and avoid offering quick fixes. Let them know you’re there for them and encourage them to seek professional help if they’re open to it. Sometimes, just knowing someone cares can make a big difference.
Q: What’s the difference between feeling suicidal and actively wanting to end your life? A: Feeling suicidal often reflects a deep desire to escape pain, not necessarily a wish to die. Recognizing this difference is important, as it may help people realize they need support to manage that pain. If you or someone you know feels this way, seeking help can provide tools to navigate and reduce that pain safely.
Q: Are there daily practices that can help manage dark thoughts? A: Yes. Simple practices like mindfulness, journaling, spending time in nature, or even talking with a friend can help. Finding ways to connect with your body—like walking, breathing exercises, or physical hobbies—can also help you stay grounded.
Q: Is it normal to feel shame or fear about discussing mental health? A: Yes, unfortunately, the stigma surrounding mental health still affects many. But each time we speak up, we chip away at that stigma. Remember, seeking support shows strength, not weakness. It’s a positive step toward healing.
Organizations for Support and Help | Navigating Dark Thoughts to Find Inner Strength
If you or someone you know is struggling, consider reaching out to one of the following organizations:
UK-Based Resources
Mind Provides support, advice, and information for anyone experiencing mental health issues. Website: www.mind.org.uk Phone: 0300 123 3393
Samaritans Confidential support for people experiencing distress or despair. Available 24/7. Website: www.samaritans.org Phone: 116 123 (free)
CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) Focused on preventing male suicide, offering support and a listening ear. Website: www.thecalmzone.net Phone: 0800 58 58 58
Shout A 24/7 crisis text service, free on major UK mobile networks, for anyone in crisis anytime. Text SHOUT to 85258
Rethink Mental Illness Provides advice, information, and support for those affected by mental illness. Website: www.rethink.org Phone: 0300 5000 927
A New Dawn for Mental Health: Is the UK’s New Mental Health Bill Enough?
Is the UK’s New Mental Health Bill Enough? For years, the UK’s mental health system has been stuck using outdated laws that haven’t changed much since the 1980s. Finally, the government has proposed overhauling the Mental Health Act 1983. This new bill aims to give patients more control over their care, which is a step in the right direction. But let’s dive into the details: Is this enough to help? And will there be enough funding to make these changes work?
1. Why Is This Change So Important?
Why do we need this change? Our understanding of mental health has improved greatly since 1983. Back then, people were often locked up and treated more like problems than people who needed help. Today, we know that everyone deserves respect, empathy, and dignity. The old ways of treating people in cold, impersonal hospital wards have to go.
To be honest, this change is long overdue. I’ve been through mental health treatment myself, and it’s scary how little say patients have. So, this bill feels like a breath of fresh air. But let’s take a closer look at what it includes.
2. Key Points of the New Mental Health Bill
The main goal of the bill is to improve patient rights and give people more control over their care. Here are some of the key changes:
Revised Detention Criteria
People can only be detained if they are a serious risk to themselves or others, and if treatment could help them.
Ian’s Take: “It’s about time, right? This is just common sense. Detaining someone indefinitely without clear evidence that treatment will help is outdated. The new rules make sure people aren’t detained without a real reason. It’s a fairer and more humane approach.”
Shorter Detention Periods and More Frequent Reviews
Detentions will be shorter, and there will be more regular reviews to ensure that treatment is helping the patient.
Ian’s Take: “This is one of the best parts of the bill. Imagine being locked up without knowing when someone will check on your progress. It’s exhausting. This reform means patients will know there’s a time limit and that their cases will be reviewed. It gives them hope, which is essential in mental health care.”
Limitations on Detention for People with Learning Disabilities and Autism
The bill encourages community-based support instead of detention for people with learning disabilities and autism.
Ian’s Take: “People with autism or learning disabilities need understanding, not detention. I’m a dad of a neurodiverse kid, so this hits close to home. We need to build a society that meets people’s needs rather than forcing them into one-size-fits-all solutions. The system should be supportive, not punishing.”
Enhanced Patient Voice and Advocacy
Patients can now choose a “nominated person” to represent them and be more involved in their care decisions. There’s also better access to advocacy, including an opt-out system for detained patients.
Ian’s Take: “Letting patients choose someone to represent them is empowering. For a long time, mental health patients felt voiceless, like their opinions didn’t matter. This reform is a step towards restoring their autonomy. It’s saying, ‘Your voice matters,’ which is huge for mental health recovery.”
Ending Police Cells as “Places of Safety”
Police cells and prisons will no longer be used as places of safety for people detained under the Mental Health Act.
Ian’s Take: “I’ve known people who ended up in police cells during a mental health crisis, and it doesn’t help at all. It’s traumatizing. Removing police cells as a default option is the humane thing to do. People in crisis need care, not handcuffs.”
Quicker Access to Care for Offenders
Offenders with severe mental health issues will have faster access to care so their needs aren’t ignored.
Ian’s Take: “Just because someone did something wrong doesn’t mean they don’t need help. If we want to help them reintegrate into society, we need to offer support and understanding, not just punishment. This is a crucial step in treating offenders like real people with mental health needs.”
3. The Bigger Questions: Is This Enough Reform?
Is this enough? While these changes sound promising, there are still some big questions left unanswered.
Will There Be Sufficient Funding?
These reforms sound great, but without proper funding, they’re just empty promises. The mental health sector is seriously underfunded in the UK. Staff shortages, long waiting lists, and lack of resources mean that even if the new bill passes, it will need a lot of money to become a reality.
Ian’s Take: “If the government is serious about this reform, they need to back it with funding. Without money, these promises won’t mean much. What’s the point of shorter detention times if there aren’t enough staff to do the reviews on time? Real change needs real investment.”
Training and Awareness for Healthcare Staff
Many healthcare workers still don’t have enough training to handle complex mental health needs, especially with neurodiverse patients and learning disabilities.
Ian’s Take: “I’ve experienced what it’s like to feel misunderstood by people who are supposed to help. We need serious training across the board. Mental health professionals need to understand what it’s like for the patient on the other side of the table.”
Long-Term Support and Follow-Up
The bill mentions community-based support, but what does that look like in practice? Will patients have consistent, long-term support after they leave detention or a treatment facility?
Ian’s Take: “Recovery isn’t a quick fix—it’s a long journey. Patients need reliable, long-term support. Too often, people get discharged without any real follow-up, and they end up back where they started. Community support can’t be just a token gesture; it has to be accessible and dependable.”
4. Personal Stories: The Reality Behind the Reforms
I’ve met too many people who’ve been let down by the mental health system in this country. There’s the guy who was detained for months without a single review, left wondering if he’d ever get out. There’s the mother with a neurodiverse child who was met with blank stares when she tried to get help. And then there’s my own story—being bounced around, searching for someone who would listen.
These stories show why reforms like the new Mental Health Bill are so important. We need changes that ensure people are heard, respected, and given the support they need when they need it. By pushing for these reforms and holding the government accountable, we can help make sure others don’t have to face the same struggles.
This bill has a lot of potential, but it needs more than just words. It needs funding, well-trained staff, and most importantly, a culture shift. We need to stop seeing people in crisis as problems and start seeing them as human beings who deserve dignity.
Here are some of the most common questions about the new bill and what it means for the future of mental health care in the UK.
Q1: Who will benefit the most from these reforms?
Anyone involved in the mental health system—patients, families, and healthcare staff. People with neurodiverse conditions, like autism or learning disabilities, will see a move towards community-based support rather than detention. This bill aims to give a voice to those who’ve often been ignored.
Q2: How will these changes affect current patients?
Current patients will have more frequent reviews and shorter detention periods. They’ll also have the right to choose someone to represent them in their care decisions, which means they won’t feel alone in the process.
Q3: What changes can we expect for offenders with mental health needs?
Offenders with mental health issues will get faster access to treatment. The goal is to support their rehabilitation, not just punish them.
Q4: Will this reform stop police from being involved in mental health cases?
Police will still respond to some cases, but police cells won’t be used as default “safe spaces” anymore. Mental health crises will be treated as healthcare issues, not criminal ones.
Q5: Is this reform enough?
It’s a good start, but there are still concerns. Funding, training, and long-term support are all crucial to making these changes work in the long term.
Q6: Will there be additional funding to support these changes?
Right now, we don’t know. Without funding, these changes will be hard to implement effectively. The government needs to invest in mental health to make these reforms work.
Q7: How can people support these changes?
Reach out to your local MPs, advocate for mental health awareness, and keep the conversation going. Public pressure can play a big role in making sure the government follows through.
6. Conclusion: A Step Forward, But Not the End
The new mental health bill is a step forward, but it’s not the end of the journey. It gives patients dignity, rights, and a voice—things that have been missing for far too long. Now, we need to make sure these promises turn into real action. Real change means funding, training, and community support, but most importantly, it means hope and determination.
Ian’s Final Thought: “If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my journey, it’s that respect and understanding make all the difference. This bill is a start, and with commitment and investment, we can truly transform mental health care in this country. It’s time we treat mental health with the seriousness it deserves and build a future where everyone gets the support they need.”
Take Action and Stay Informed
If you or someone you know is affected by these issues, stay informed about the changes and reach out to mental health advocacy groups. This bill is still evolving, and by holding the government accountable, we can push for a future where mental health truly matters.
Finding Calm in Chaos: The Essential Guide to Managing Anxiety in the Modern Age
The Essential Guide To Managing Anxiety. Let’s be honest. Anxiety is the unwelcome guest that never knows when to leave. It shows up uninvited at meetings, hangs around your thoughts like a bad smell, and has a knack for making even the simplest tasks feel like mountain climbs. In a world where we’re juggling careers, personal lives, and an endless barrage of notifications, it’s no wonder anxiety is at an all-time high. But here’s the good news: you don’t have to let it run the show. That’s exactly why I’ve written Calm in Chaos: Ten Exercises for Managing Anxiety in the Modern Age—a no-nonsense guide to help you build a toolkit for handling anxiety effectively, even when life is throwing everything it’s got at you.
What Is Calm in Chaos All About?
This isn’t just another self-help book filled with platitudes about “thinking positive.” Calm in Chaos dives into the reality of anxiety, the kind that sneaks up when you’re prepping for a presentation or trying to relax on your day off. I’ve designed this eBook to be practical, straightforward, and actionable—no fluff, just solid strategies. Each chapter offers a different exercise, from breathing techniques and mindfulness practices to cognitive behavioural tools and nature-based activities. These aren’t one-size-fits-all solutions. They’re adaptable strategies that you can integrate into your routine without feeling like you need to add “become a Zen master” to your to-do list.
Who Is This Book For?
Are you a professional between meetings, emails, and life’s endless demands? Or maybe someone who needs a reset after a long day of juggling responsibilities? Then this book is for you. Whether you’re dealing with a low hum of anxiety that never quite goes away or full-on panic that flares up when life gets too much, Calm in Chaos has something to offer. You’ll find ten different exercises that cater to various needs and lifestyles. Need a quick reset before a high-pressure call? I’ve got you. Looking for a deeper dive into long-term anxiety management? It’s all here.
Why These Exercises Work
Listen, I’m not promising a magic wand that will make anxiety disappear overnight. But what I can offer is a set of tools that genuinely help. The techniques in this book are based on research-backed practices that have been proven to work. Mindfulness, for instance, encourages a focus on the present, which helps reduce that hamster wheel of thoughts racing in your brain. Breathing techniques, like the 4-7-8 method, tap into your body’s natural ability to calm itself. These strategies work because they address anxiety at its roots, helping you manage it in real time while building resilience over the long term.
And let’s not overlook the power of nature. Spending time outdoors—whether it’s hiking, gardening, or just sitting in the park—offers a break from the artificial grind of daily life. Nature has a way of slowing everything down and giving you space to breathe, think, and just be. In Calm in Chaos, I’ve included ways to harness these natural benefits without needing to move to a cabin in the woods.
A Sneak Peek at What You’ll Learn
Mindfulness and Meditation: Develop simple mindfulness practices that keep you anchored in the present—because the future can wait.
Breathing Techniques: Master techniques like diaphragmatic breathing to hit the brakes on your stress response.
Cognitive Behavioral Strategies: Learn how to spot negative thought patterns and flip the script—turning anxieties into challenges that you can handle.
Journaling for Clarity: Use structured prompts to explore your thoughts, recognize patterns, and track your progress.
Nature-Based Activities: Get back to basics with exercises that connect you to the calming influence of the outdoors, without requiring a Sherpa.
Why I Wrote This Book
Because, quite frankly, I got tired of hearing people say “Just relax” as if that’s all it takes to make anxiety disappear. I wanted to provide something real—something that doesn’t treat anxiety like an easy fix but as a part of life that can be managed with the right tools. Calm in Chaos is my way of helping you build a mental toolkit, one exercise at a time, so you can find moments of peace amidst the daily grind.
What You Won’t Get
Vague Advice: No wishy-washy “just think positive” nonsense. This is a guide for people who want actionable steps, not empty promises.
A One-Size-Fits-All Solution: This book acknowledges that anxiety management is personal. What works for one person might not work for another, and that’s why there’s a variety of exercises to choose from.
Overwhelm: Each chapter is designed to be approachable. You don’t need hours of free time or an advanced degree in psychology to start seeing results.
How to Get Started
The best time to start managing anxiety is now. You don’t need to overhaul your life to make space for these practices—just a few minutes a day can set you on the path to greater calm. You can pick up Calm in Chaos directly from my website. Dive in, try an exercise or two, and see how they fit into your life. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s progress. One breath, one moment, one step at a time.
Final Thoughts For The Essential Guide To Managing Anxiety
Life isn’t going to stop being busy or stressful anytime soon. But with the right strategies, you can find calm even when everything around you feels chaotic. Calm in Chaos is your guide to doing just that—building resilience, managing anxiety, and creating a life where stress doesn’t call the shots. So, if you’re ready to stop letting anxiety have the last word, grab your copy today.
