Quit drinking on your own terms. Right, listen up. If you’re here, chances are you’ve been grappling with drink. Maybe you’ve tried the usual routes, sat in a few rooms, and listened to the same old spiel about being ‘powerless’ and surrendering. If that resonated with you, fair play. But if it left a sour taste—if it felt like a load of old bollocks that just kept you feeling stuck and labelled—then you’re in the right place.
I spent 45 years in the trenches with booze. Forty-five years in the trenches—a lifetime spent on a never-ending daily grind. Eight months ago, I drew a line in the sand. I quit drinking on my own terms. Not by admitting powerlessness, not by adopting a label, and certainly not by surrendering to anything but my own will to change. This isn’t about being an ‘alcoholic’; it’s about taking back control of your life. It’s about a complete reset, from the ground up, built on discipline, not dogma.
This isn’t just theory. This is a hard-won, bloody experience from a bloke who spent over a decade in the British Army, where ‘powerless’ wasn’t in the vocabulary. We’re going to talk about why the conventional approaches can actually hinder your progress and how you can forge a path to true freedom, powerful and unlabelled.
The “Powerless” Lie: Why Surrender Is a Load of Bollocks
Let’s get straight to it: The idea that you are powerless over alcohol is, in my professional opinion as a coach and someone who’s lived it, a dangerous, disempowering myth. It’s a convenient narrative for some, maybe, but for others, it’s a mental cage. Think about it. What does ‘powerless’ actually mean? It means giving up, throwing your hands in the air, and resigning yourself to a permanent victim status. And I don’t know about you, but that wasn’t what they taught us in the army. We were taught to fight, to adapt, to overcome. To find a way, no matter how grim the odds.
When I was grappling with the drink, the thought of admitting I was ‘powerless’ over a liquid always felt like a betrayal of everything I’d learned. It felt weak. And I’m not weak. You’re not weak. You’ve gotten this far, haven’t you? You’re reading this, looking for answers, searching for a way out. That’s not powerlessness; that’s resilience. That’s a flicker of a fighting spirit that’s ready to ignite.
The mind can be a powerful weapon, or it can be your worst enemy. If you constantly feed it the idea that you are ‘powerless,’ what do you think it’s going to do? It’s going to find every bloody reason to prove that belief correct. It’s going to create situations where you ‘slip’ or ‘relapse’ because, well, you’re powerless, aren’t you? It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. This isn’t just my opinion; it’s basic NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) principles at play. Your language shapes your reality, and ‘powerless’ is a poison to progress.
My journey wasn’t about surrendering; it was about reclaiming. It was about looking the beast in the eye and saying, “Right, you’ve had your run. Now it’s my turn.” It was about understanding that while the cravings were fierce and the conditioning was deep, they weren’t insurmountable. They were challenges to be faced, strategies to be deployed, not reasons to lie down and quit. Surrender is for the battlefield when all hope is lost, not for the internal war you need to win to truly live. You have the power to change, to choose, to fight for a better life. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Labels Kill Your Progress: You Are Not Your Past
This ties directly into the ‘powerless’ narrative. Once you accept a label like ‘alcoholic,’ you’ve built a box for yourself, and your brain (being the efficient, if sometimes unhelpful, organ it is) will work tirelessly to keep you in that box. It’s a core tenet of NLP: what you label yourself, you become. If you call yourself an ‘alcoholic,’ your brain will constantly look for evidence to confirm that identity. It becomes a permanent state, a flaw etched into your being, rather than a behaviour you can change.
I spent 45 years drinking. But I never called myself an ‘alcoholic.’ Why? Because I refused to let that label define me. It wasn’t who I was; it was something I did. A habit, a coping mechanism, a deep-seated pattern, yes, but not my identity. The moment you give yourself that label, you inadvertently give it power over you. It suggests a fixed, unchangeable state, implying that even if you stop drinking, you’re still fundamentally ‘an alcoholic’ in remission. That’s a mental weight, a burden that many simply don’t need.
Imagine trying to build a new life, a stronger self, while constantly dragging the heavy anchor of a ‘permanent disease’ label behind you. It’s an unnecessary impediment. Your past actions do not dictate your future identity unless you let them. My military training taught me about identity, too. You put on that uniform, you become a soldier. You embody the discipline, the resilience. But you can also take it off. You can choose to be something else. You can choose to be a person who no longer drinks, free of the old identity. You are not your past behaviours; you are the sum of your present choices and your future aspirations.
This isn’t about denying the severity of past actions or downplaying the struggle. It’s about framing it in a way that empowers you, not disempowers you. You battled with drink, yes. You overcame it. You are a person who has conquered a significant challenge, not someone perpetually ‘in recovery’ from an inherent flaw. The language we use, especially the language we use about ourselves, is everything. So ditch the labels. Refuse to be defined by what you did. Define yourself by who you are becoming.
Your Body, Your Rules: The Fuel for True Freedom (The “Eat” Pillar)
Now, if you’re serious about taking back control and you want to quit drinking on your own terms, you need to understand something fundamental: your physical state is directly intertwined with your mental state. You can’t fight a war with a broken body, and you can’t conquer your inner demons if you’re fuelling yourself with rubbish. This is where my “Eat” pillar comes in, and frankly, it’s non-negotiable.
While some groups are offering biscuits and coffee, you’re actively undermining your sobriety by feeding your body sugar and processed crap. Alcohol is a sugar. When you stop drinking, your body cries out for that sugar hit. If you then replace it with refined carbs, sugary snacks, and processed foods, you’re just perpetuating the same vicious cycle, albeit in a different form. You’re keeping your brain in that reactive, craving state. It’s like putting premium fuel into a rusty old banger – it might run for a bit, but it’s going to cough and splutter and eventually break down.
My approach to nutrition is uncompromisingly ancestral. We’re talking real food, proper food, the stuff our bodies were designed to eat. This means aggressively eliminating all processed foods, all industrial seed oils (that canola, sunflower, soybean sludge that’s poisoning us), and all added sugars in every sneaky form. And yes, that includes the ‘healthy’ vegan junk food and soy products, which are just as processed and destructive.
What do you eat then? Nutrient-dense, high-quality animal products. Think grass-fed beef, pasture-raised eggs, butter, ghee, tallow. Get it in ya. Prioritise proteins and healthy fats. Nose-to-tail eating is the ideal, embracing organ meats like liver for their incredible nutrient density. If that’s a bit much for starters, focus on muscle meats, fish, and plenty of non-starchy vegetables. This isn’t about dieting; it’s about giving your body the foundational building blocks it needs to heal, to stabilise blood sugar, to reduce inflammation, and to finally get off that blood-sugar rollercoaster that fuels cravings.
When your body is properly nourished, when your blood sugar is stable, and your brain isn’t constantly battling inflammatory responses, your mental clarity improves dramatically. Your willpower strengthens. You gain a physical resilience that directly translates to mental fortitude. This isn’t some airy-fairy concept; it’s basic biology. Fuel your body like a temple, and your mind will follow suit. This is a crucial step to truly quit drinking on your own terms, armed with physical strength.
Rebuilding Your Mind: Discipline Over Dogma (The “Mind” Pillar)
If you’re going to break free, you need a mind of steel. This isn’t about group therapy; it’s about forging mental resilience, drawing on the same kind of discipline that got me through military training. The “Mind” pillar is where I, as a qualified coach and hypnotherapist, insist you take absolute ownership of your thoughts, your beliefs, and your internal dialogue. It’s where you stop being a passenger in your own head and start driving the bus.
The 12-step model often relies on external support and a higher power. While that works for some, for others, it can perpetuate a sense of external locus of control. My approach is different. It’s about an internal locus of control. You are your own higher power when it comes to changing your life. You have the inherent capacity for self-mastery.
How do you build that? Through practical, daily habits. Meditation, for example, isn’t some hippie fluff. It’s a mental workout. It teaches you to observe your thoughts without being consumed by them. Those cravings, those intrusive thoughts telling you to pour a drink? They’re just thoughts. You don’t have to act on them. Meditation gives you the space between the thought and the reaction. Even five minutes a day can start to rewire your brain, building new neural pathways.
Hypnotherapy, which I’m also qualified in, isn’t about being put in a trance and clucking like a chicken. It’s about accessing the subconscious mind to shift deeply ingrained patterns and beliefs. We’re talking about reframing your relationship with drink, embedding new positive behaviours, and strengthening your resolve. It’s about changing the underlying programming, not just patching over the symptoms.
This is active work, mind. It’s not passive acceptance. It’s daily training. Just like you wouldn’t expect to be physically fit by wishing for it, you won’t build mental resilience without putting in the reps. Journaling, positive affirmations (not the fluffy kind, but powerful, belief-affirming statements), visualisation of your sober, powerful future – these are tools. They are the drills you run to harden your mind, to build an unbreakable internal fortress that can withstand the siren call of old habits. This isn’t dogma; it’s psychology applied with military precision.
The Full-Spectrum Reset: My 5-Pillar System for Lasting Freedom
True freedom from the grip of drink isn’t a singular event or a one-dimensional battle. It’s a full-spectrum reset, attacking the problem from every angle. This is where my five pillars – Eat, Sleep, Move, Mind, and Cold Fucking Water – come into their own. They’re not isolated practices; they’re interconnected foundations. You pull one out, and the whole bloody structure wobbles.
Let’s briefly touch on the others:
The “Sleep” Pillar: Recharging Your Battlefield
Sleep deprivation is a direct pathway to poor decision-making and heightened emotional reactivity. When you’re tired, your willpower is shot, and those cravings become a thousand times harder to fight off. Prioritise proper, restorative sleep. That means a consistent sleep schedule, a dark, cool room, no screens an hour before bed. It’s not a luxury; it’s fundamental to rewiring your brain and body for sobriety. You wouldn’t send a soldier into battle without rest, so don’t expect yourself to fight the good fight without it either.
The “Move” Pillar: Expelling the Demons
Physical activity isn’t just about looking good; it’s about burning off stress, releasing endorphins, and quite literally moving stagnant energy and old patterns out of your system. Get up, get out, and move your body. Lift weights, run, walk in nature, do some bloody push-ups. It doesn’t have to be an Ironman, but consistent movement builds discipline, boosts mood, and provides a healthy outlet for the restless energy that often accompanies the early stages of quitting drinking. It shows yourself you’re capable, you’re strong, you’re in control.
The ‘Cold Water Immersion’ Pillar: Shocking Your System Awake
This one often gets a few raised eyebrows, but trust me, it’s a game-changer. Cold showers, ice baths – they’re not just for Wim Hof disciples. Plunging yourself into cold water is a powerful physiological and psychological reset. It jolts your nervous system, reduces inflammation, boosts mood, and builds incredible mental resilience. That moment you step under the cold spray, and your brain screams to get out – that’s your chance to practice overriding primal urges with conscious will. It’s a micro-battle you win every single day, reinforcing your ability to resist, to lean into discomfort, and to come out stronger. It’s a direct, visceral way to remind yourself: I am in control of my body, I am in control of my mind.
These pillars work in concert. When you eat well, you sleep better. When you sleep better, you have more energy to move. When you move, your mind is clearer. When your mind is clear, you can embrace the challenge of cold water, which further strengthens your mind. This isn’t just about stopping drinking; it’s about building a robust, powerful, and utterly bulletproof version of yourself, ready to take on anything life throws at you.
Taking Ownership: Your Midlife Battle for Self-Mastery
Look, if you’re in your mid-thirties, forties, or fifties, you’re at a critical juncture. This isn’t the time for half-measures or for letting someone else’s dogma define your path. This is your midlife reset, your chance to redefine who you are and what you’re capable of. The battle with drink is often a symptom of deeper unrest, a cry for meaning, for purpose, for a life that feels authentic and powerful.
The journey to quit drinking on your own terms is one of self-mastery. It requires courage, honesty, and a willingness to look inwards, not outwards, for salvation. It demands discipline, consistency, and an unwavering belief in your own innate strength. It’s not easy. Nobody ever said it would be. There will be tough days, wobbles, and moments where the old habits try to drag you back into the mire. But every single time you choose to fight, every single time you choose to implement one of these pillars, you reinforce the new, powerful you.
Don’t fall for the trap of permanent victimhood or the idea that you need to be constantly ‘in recovery’ or labelled. You are capable of profound transformation. You are capable of creating a life where drink holds no power over you, because you hold all the power. This isn’t about replacing one dependency with another; it’s about fostering absolute independence, a solid, unshakeable self-reliance.
The Road Ahead: Choose Your Own Path
So, there you have it. A no-nonsense perspective on why some traditional approaches might not just be unhelpful but actively detrimental to your long-term success. You are not powerless. You are not a label. You don’t need to surrender. What you need is a strategic, disciplined, and holistic approach to reclaiming your body, your mind, and your life.
It’s a tough road, but it’s one you can absolutely navigate and win, on your own terms. These five pillars—Eat, Sleep, Move, Mind, and Cold Fucking Water—are not suggestions; they are the foundations of a powerful, unlabelled, and truly free life. The choice is yours: stay stuck in the old narrative, or step up and claim your power. This is your life. Take it back.
