Breaking Free from the Grip of Dark Thoughts: A Path to Hope and Healing

Navigating Dark Thoughts to Find Inner Strength.

Lost Days

Navigating Dark Thoughts to Find Inner Strength. I have lost count of the days spent just lying in bed, consumed by the darkest thoughts. Each day felt like an endless cycle, each one just the same as the last, where I had become a zombie with little to no interest in anything at all.

It’s been about seven years since I wrote that first post, diving into the darkest parts of my mind and the struggles I was facing back then. I remember those days well—the weight, the endless cycle of bleakness, and how each day seemed like a copy of the last. Putting it out there wasn’t easy, but I knew it was something I had to share. Since then, a lot has changed. I’ve gone through my fair share of challenges, made strides I never thought I could, and found myself in places I never expected.

I won’t say I have it all figured out, but I’ve learned a lot about resilience, the power of community, and how to keep moving forward—even when it feels like everything’s pushing back. Revisiting those words now feels like seeing an old wound healed into a scar. I’m sharing this updated version because I know the journey through darkness is one that many people face, and if my experience can offer even a small light to someone else, then it’s worth every word.

The only bright spots were weekends—moments when I would have my daughter and the dog, and those were the only times I felt remotely alive. During the lowest points of those days, I often thought, what was the point? Why was I here? I would replay the same questions repeatedly in my mind, and the answers I imagined were always bleak. The thoughts scared me; they filled me with an intense fear and dread that seemed inescapable. Some of the thoughts were so dark, and I would run them over and over, like a loop I couldn’t break free from.

Suicide vs. Feeling Suicidal

There is a big difference between suicide and feeling suicidal. Feeling suicidal often means being overwhelmed by dark thoughts without necessarily wanting to act on them, whereas suicide involves a decision to end one’s life. Navigating Dark Thoughts to Find Inner Strength, Both share a similar mindset, but the key distinction lies in intent and action. It’s important to understand that feeling suicidal doesn’t always mean you want to die—it means you want the pain to end. It’s an emotional plea for an escape, and sometimes that escape feels impossible. Recognizing this difference can be the lifeline someone needs to understand they are not alone and that support is available.

Statistics and trends are very scary—for example, in 2021, over 700,000 people died by suicide worldwide. That number represents not just individuals, but families, friends, and communities torn apart by loss. Sadly, the stigma surrounding mental health still exists despite high-profile campaigns and efforts to raise awareness. Many people are afraid to seek help because they worry about being judged or misunderstood. We need to normalize these conversations and make it okay to admit that we are struggling. Mental health is just as important as physical health, and we need to treat it with the same level of care and attention.

How Would It End?

I often thought about how I would do it—how I would end the darkest thoughts, end the pain. In reality, the pain never ends; it just passes to those closest to you, those who love you unconditionally. This realization haunted me. I knew that if I ended my life, the burden would fall on my loved ones. They would have to carry the weight of my pain, and that was something I couldn’t bear. I hated the thought of causing them the kind of suffering that I was feeling.

I hate taking pills, so that wasn’t an option. Hanging myself or cutting myself—again, not an option. Jumping from something? No. I knew and had gone through it in my head so many times: it had to be water. Water has always had a draw to me, be it swimming in the river as a kid, paddleboarding, kayaking, or wild swimming. There is something about water that both calms me and connects with the deepest parts of my emotions. Most of my walks are near water—be it the canal, the coast, the river, or the waterfalls in the mountains. Water felt like a fitting place, somewhere that had always brought me peace, even in the darkest of times.

One Day

One day, I found myself in the car on the way to the sea. I had decided today was the day. There wouldn’t be many, if any, people at a secluded beach in atrocious weather. Music on, I knew exactly where I was going. In my mind, the darkest thoughts, and the pain I was in had to come to an end. I was exhausted—mentally, physically, and emotionally. It felt like I had nothing left to give.

I drove down the dual carriageway towards Newport, down Malpas Road, and onto the M4, heading west. As I approached Tredegar House, a song came on that jolted me, and snapped my mind out of its thought process—technically, this is called “breaking state.” It’s amazing how one moment, one song, can change everything. Pulling off the motorway, I drove around to Tredegar Park, parked up, turned the engine off, and cried like a baby. It wasn’t just a few tears—it was a full release, a deep, gut-wrenching sob that felt like it came from the core of my being.

Picking up my phone, the screen saver opened: a picture of me and Ffion. This brought me back to my senses. In that picture, we were smiling, truly happy, and I could see the love in her eyes. As I do every day, I give gratitude for her being in my life. I tell her in one way or another that I love her every day. I used to do the same with Lewis. They are my reasons for being, my reasons for fighting through the darkness. Sitting there, I opened my phone and sent her a message—just a simple “I Love You Tinker X.” It was enough. It was enough to remind me of what truly mattered, to pull me back from the edge.

Fear

At the basic level, fear guides our fight-or-flight responses and helps to keep us safe and alive. Fear heightens your senses and awareness; it keeps you alert and helps in better preparation. For example, when I was faced with a challenging hike, fear made me double-check my gear, plan my route more carefully, and stay focused throughout the journey. Fear, in that context, became my ally. The negative side of fear is when it holds you back from doing something positive—when it stops you from taking the steps that could lead to growth or happiness.

My fear at that point was never holding my Tinker again, never having a pint with my boy. Those fears became my reasons to keep going. They say we only grow on the other side of fear, and I truly believe that. Fear can help us to:

• Focus and concentrate on what matters.
• Heighten awareness of our surroundings and emotions.
• Acknowledge and gain enlightenment about our struggles.
• Prepare and plan for overcoming obstacles.
• Dissect extremes and find balance.
• Remove barriers that limit our potential.
• Break the routine and push ourselves into new experiences.

Positive Fear

There are other positive aspects to fear and breaking out of the comfort zone. Fear pushes us to grow, to explore new paths we might not have considered before. It’s easy to stay in our comfort zones, where everything feels safe and predictable. But growth happens when we step beyond what is familiar and when we take risks despite our fears. It’s in those moments of vulnerability that we discover our true strength.

This post has been in draft for a while. I have held my finger over the publish button a few times and then just saved the draft. There is a vulnerability in sharing something so deeply personal, but I know that if my story can help even one person, then it is worth it.

Breaking the Silence

Constantly, I say we need to have a conversation regarding mental health every day, not just some random week in the year. My purpose in writing is to raise awareness—to let others know they are not alone and that there are plenty out there suffering the same feelings. The more we talk about it, the more we break down the barriers and stigma surrounding mental health. No one should feel ashamed or isolated because of their struggles.

Please feel free to share among friends, and among social media groups that you are in, and please, please, please talk. Check-in on the ones you have not seen in a while—those that have strangely gone quiet. Often, it’s the people who seem the strongest who are struggling the most. And as always, I am here at any time of the day or night to listen. It’s okay not to be okay, and it’s okay to reach out for help.

Building a Community

I am thinking of setting up a group where we get together to talk, go for walks, maybe even cook, and have open and supportive conversations. There is something powerful about sharing experiences and connecting with others who understand without judgment. I have lots of thoughts in my head at the moment on my direction and purpose, but one thing is for sure—they are positive, not the darkest thoughts I once had. I want to focus on growth, on healing, and on creating a community where we can all lift each other.

The only time I will be walking into the sea is for fun. I am trying to get in there soon—just have to work the timing between the seasonal storms. There are many health benefits to cold water—be it contrast showers or wild swimming—but that’s another post. Cold water has become a symbol of life for me, a way to embrace the present moment fully. It’s invigorating, it’s challenging, and it reminds me that I am alive.

Love to you all x

The Latest UK Suicide Statistics

In 2023, the UK registered 6,069 suicides, equating to an age-standardised mortality rate of 11.4 deaths per 100,000 people—the highest rate since 1999.

Gender Disparities:

• Males: Accounted for approximately 75% of suicides, with a rate of 17.4 deaths per 100,000—the highest since 1999. ON
• Females: Experienced a rate of 5.7 deaths per 100,000, the highest since 1994.

Age-Specific Rates:

• Males aged 45 to 49: Had the highest rate at 25.5 deaths per 100,000.
• Females aged 50 to 54: Had the highest rate at 9.2 deaths per 100,000.

Regional Variations:

• England: The North West recorded the highest rate at 14.7 deaths per 100,000, while London had the lowest at 7.3 per 100,000.
• Wales: Reported a rate of 14.0 deaths per 100,000, an increase from 12.5 per 100,000 in 2022.

These statistics underscore the persistent and significant public health challenge posed by suicide in the UK, highlighting the need for targeted prevention and support strategies.

FAQ: Navigating Dark Thoughts to Find Inner Strength

Q: What should I do if I feel overwhelmed by dark thoughts?
A: Start by recognizing that you’re not alone, and many people face similar struggles. Reach out to someone you trust—a friend, family member, or mental health professional. Talking about what you’re going through can relieve some of the weight and help you gain perspective.

Q: How can I help someone I know who may be struggling with dark thoughts?
A: Listen without judgment, show empathy, and avoid offering quick fixes. Let them know you’re there for them and encourage them to seek professional help if they’re open to it. Sometimes, just knowing someone cares can make a big difference.

Q: What’s the difference between feeling suicidal and actively wanting to end your life?
A: Feeling suicidal often reflects a deep desire to escape pain, not necessarily a wish to die. Recognizing this difference is important, as it may help people realize they need support to manage that pain. If you or someone you know feels this way, seeking help can provide tools to navigate and reduce that pain safely.

Q: Are there daily practices that can help manage dark thoughts?
A: Yes. Simple practices like mindfulness, journaling, spending time in nature, or even talking with a friend can help. Finding ways to connect with your body—like walking, breathing exercises, or physical hobbies—can also help you stay grounded.

Q: Is it normal to feel shame or fear about discussing mental health?
A: Yes, unfortunately, the stigma surrounding mental health still affects many. But each time we speak up, we chip away at that stigma. Remember, seeking support shows strength, not weakness. It’s a positive step toward healing.

Organizations for Support and Help | Navigating Dark Thoughts to Find Inner Strength

If you or someone you know is struggling, consider reaching out to one of the following organizations:

UK-Based Resources

1. Mind
   Provides support, advice, and information for anyone experiencing mental health issues.
   Website: www.mind.org.uk
   Phone: 0300 123 3393
2. Samaritans
   Confidential support for people experiencing distress or despair. Available 24/7.
   Website: www.samaritans.org
   Phone: 116 123 (free)
3. CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably)
   Focused on preventing male suicide, offering support and a listening ear.
   Website: www.thecalmzone.net
   Phone: 0800 58 58 58
4. Shout
   A 24/7 crisis text service, free on major UK mobile networks, for anyone in crisis anytime.
   Text SHOUT to 85258
5. Rethink Mental Illness
   Provides advice, information, and support for those affected by mental illness.
   Website: www.rethink.org
   Phone: 0300 5000 927

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