Why New Year Resolutions Are Total Bollocks (And How to Set Goals That Actually Work)

Why New Year Resolutions Are Total Bollocks

Ah, New Year Resolutions —when we all collectively pretend that January 1 is some magical reset button. Suddenly, social media is full of “new year, new me” posts, gyms are rammed, and everyone’s vowing to quit chocolate, booze, or whatever guilty pleasure gets them through the winter. Fast forward two weeks and most of us are back to scoffing biscuits in our pyjamas while our resolutions gather dust. Sound familiar? Yeah, I’ve been there.

Here’s the thing: New Year’s resolutions are bollocks. It’s not you; it’s the system. Resolutions are like putting a plaster on a broken leg—they don’t fix anything because they’re built on hype, guilt, and unrealistic expectations. So instead of beating yourself up, let’s explore why resolutions fail and how you can set goals that work. For more insights, check out our Pillars of Men’s Personal Development for effective growth strategies.

10 Myths About New Year’s Resolutions (And Why They’re Total Crap)

Before I get to the good stuff, let’s rip apart some of the utter nonsense surrounding resolutions.

MYTH 1: Resolutions fail because you’re lazy.

FACT: Laziness isn’t the problem—it’s the lack of a bloody plan. Saying “get fit” is about as useful as shouting into the void. Instead, try something specific like “walk 10 minutes a day.” Small steps, mate.

MYTH 2: January 1 is the perfect fresh start.

FACT: Newsflash: the calendar doesn’t care about your goals. You can start changing your life any day—whether it’s a random Thursday in March or after your second coffee tomorrow.

MYTH 3: Resolutions create lasting habits.

FACT: Habits don’t just magically appear because it’s January. They’re built through systems and consistency. Motivation will fizzle out faster than your New Year’s Eve champagne. Systems stick—hype doesn’t.

MYTH 4: Go big or go home.

FACT: Nope. Going big often leads to burnout and disappointment. Want to run a marathon? Start by jogging around the block without sounding like you’re auditioning for Darth Vader.

MYTH 5: Resolutions will “fix” you.

FACT: You don’t need fixing. Growth isn’t about becoming someone else; it’s about evolving into the best version of you. You’re not a broken toaster—stop treating yourself like one.

MYTH 6: Telling everyone your goals will make them happen.

FACT: Sharing your goals might make you feel good for five minutes, but it doesn’t mean sh*t without a proper plan. Focus on action, not applause.

MYTH 7: Following trends guarantees success.

FACT: Just because “Dry January” is trending doesn’t mean it’s for you. Set goals that align with your values—not what’s fashionable.

MYTH 8: Failure means it’s game over.

FACT: Failure is part of the process, mate. It’s just feedback. Struggling to run every morning? Try evening runs. Can’t meditate for 20 minutes? Start with two. Adjust, adapt, and keep going.

MYTH 9: You’ll smash all your goals this year.

FACT: Life happens. Priorities shift. Flexibility is key. What feels right in January might not even matter come July—and that’s okay.

MYTH 10: Resolutions are the only way to grow.

FACT: Growth doesn’t give a toss about New Year’s. It’s a lifelong process built on reflection, intention, and action—not a list of resolutions you’ll forget by February.

A Smarter Way: “The 3 Most Important Questions”

Forget resolutions. Instead, try a holistic approach to goal-setting that works. Enter The 3 Most Important Questions. This framework doesn’t just help you set goals—it helps you design a life you love.

Here’s how it works:

1. Experiences: What Do You Want to Do?

Life isn’t just about ticking boxes. It’s about creating moments that make you feel alive. So, what experiences do you want to create this year?

Examples:

• Eat gelato on a gondola in Venice.
• Dance like no one’s watching (even if they are).
• Take your kids camping and tell ghost stories under the stars.

These aren’t about impressing anyone. They’re about living.

2. Growth: How Do You Want to Evolve?

This isn’t about fixing yourself—it’s about levelling up in ways that excite you. What do you want to learn or improve?

Examples:

• Finally, learn Spanish so you can flirt at a tapas bar.
• Get better at public speaking without sweating buckets.
• Develop stress-busting habits, so life doesn’t feel like a constant sh*tstorm.

3. Contribution: How Do You Want to Give Back?

True fulfilment comes from helping others. What impact do you want to have on the world?

Examples:

• Mentor someone who reminds you of your younger self.
• Volunteer at an animal shelter and cuddle some furry friends.
• Start a community garden to teach people how to grow their food.

How to Turn These Goals Into Reality

1. Write It Down
   Take an hour to answer the three questions. Be honest—this isn’t about what sounds impressive; it’s about what excites you.
2. Break It Down
   Big dreams need small steps. Want to learn guitar? Start with 10 minutes a day. Want to volunteer? Research local charities first.
3. Stay Flexible
   Life changes, and so should your goals. Check-in monthly or quarterly and tweak as needed.
4. Celebrate Wins
   Don’t wait for the big milestones—celebrate every step forward. You’re doing great.

Why This Approach Works

• It’s Realistic: You’re not aiming for perfection; you’re building a life that feels good.
• It’s Personal: These goals are yours, not what society expects.
• It’s Sustainable: Slow, steady progress beats flashy resolutions every time.

Final Thoughts

New Year’s resolutions might sound great, but they rarely deliver. Instead of chasing fleeting promises, focus on experiences, growth, and contributions that mean something to you.

So, forget “new year, new me.” You don’t need to reinvent yourself—you just need to keep growing into the amazing person you already are.

What’s your plan for the year? Share your experiences, growth goals, or contributions below—I’d love to hear them!

Rediscover Connection: The Ultimate Guide To Sexual Wellness Through Mindfulness

In this Guide to Sexual Wellness, we’re diving into a straightforward, practical approach to enhancing intimacy and reconnecting with yourself through mindfulness. Sexual wellness isn’t just about what’s happening physically; it’s about finding a balance between mind and body, letting go of stress, and fostering genuine connection. This guide offers actionable mindfulness techniques that don’t require any special equipment—just a willingness to be present. Whether you’re navigating challenges with desire, confidence, or connection, this resource provides a compassionate path to rediscovering pleasure and fulfilment.

Alright, let’s get real about something not many people talk about at the pub but think about – dealing with those unexpected “fun-stoppers” in the bedroom. Look, life throws curveballs, and sexual wellness? That’s often where we feel it most. But let me tell you, there’s a surprising power in something simple: mindfulness. Yup, that thing people talk about with yoga mats and a thousand apps can be the key to reconnecting with yourself and getting some real pleasure back in the mix.

This guide, built on a solid mix of science and personal experience, is about how being present, right at the moment, can help you move from self-doubt and frustration to a place of confidence, connection, and maybe even a bit of joy. No quick fixes here, but if you stick with me, I think you’ll find some tools to get things heading in a much better direction.

The Mind-Body Block (and the Self-Doubt It Brings)

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room. Sexual dysfunction isn’t just one thing. It could be low libido, feeling anxious about performance, or struggling to really “be there” during intimacy. All of these things, though, can lead to a vicious cycle where the more you focus on what’s “not working,” the less you feel connected to your body – and to anyone else for that matter.

Now, I’ll be honest, I’ve had my fair share of physical and mental mountains to climb. It’s easy to get locked into a downward spiral of overthinking, feeling stuck in your head, or judging yourself. That’s where mindfulness comes in. Imagine training your brain to pause, breathe, and say, “Alright, let’s just be here,” rather than getting carried away by those mental roadblocks. Research backs it up, too: staying present can kick out stress responses and get you back in touch with the joy of being fully engaged.

The Science Part (for Those Who Need the Data)

Let’s get a bit nerdy because there’s actual science behind why mindfulness works here. Studies show that mindfulness practices boost things like sexual satisfaction and intimacy (Brotto et al., 2012). They also show that mindful awareness lets you step away from the “what ifs” and the self-doubt and focus on what’s happening – in real time. And because mindfulness can help reduce anxiety, it’s like giving your mind a safe little nest where you can enjoy the sensations and connections, rather than worry about them.

Mindfulness is not just a mental exercise. It genuinely rewires your brain’s responses. The more you practice, the easier it becomes to focus on the experience, building positive, satisfying associations rather than stress. In short, it gets you out of your head and into your body, helping you engage in what’s real, right here and now.

Stress and Anxiety – The Major Culprits in the Room

If I could give you one phrase to take home, it would be this: chronic stress is a buzzkill. It wrecks hormonal balance, dampens libido, and can leave you stuck in a state of “fight-or-flight.” Mindfulness is your “calm button.” It activates the part of your nervous system that lets you relax, the one that says, “Hey, it’s alright, we’re safe here.” By calming your body, you naturally create space for arousal and connection.

Practising mindfulness can also help you get friendly with whatever thoughts or fears might pop up. Instead of avoiding or running from them, you start to see them as passing clouds – they’re there, but they don’t define you. This approach can be powerful in breaking the avoidance cycle and opening up to positive experiences.

Mindfulness Practices for Those Ready to Give It a Go

So, here’s the practical bit – simple exercises you can try to see if this stuff works for you:

• Breath Awareness: Start with something basic, like focusing on your breathing. Deep in, hold it, and slow out. If you catch your mind wandering (it will), just bring it back to the breath. This isn’t about perfection; it’s about giving your body and mind a chance to relax.
• Sensory Scanning: A bit like checking in with each part of your body, bit by bit. Feel what’s there without judgment – tension, warmth, ease. You’d be surprised how this small check-in helps build a sense of groundedness and awareness.
• Mindful Touch: If you’re with a partner, try slow, intentional touch. No agenda, just focusing on the sensation. It might feel awkward at first, but with time, it can bring a new level of connection without the pressure to “perform.”
• Dropping the Judgment: A tough one, but probably the most important. When you catch yourself judging, notice it and let it go. It’s like unclenching a fist you didn’t know you were making. Give yourself a break.

Digging Deeper into Intimacy

For those ready to go a bit further, here are some ways the Guide to Sexual Wellness helps bring mindfulness even closer to intimacy:

• Partnered Breathwork: Sync up your breathing with your partner. This practice is about connecting in a way that goes beyond words. It’s also surprisingly grounding and brings you closer together.
• Guided Visualization: Picture a calm, positive scene. It might feel a bit fluffy at first, but this type of visualization can be a powerful way to quiet the noise in your head and focus on something that brings you a sense of peace.

My Take on Mindfulness and Mind-Body Healing

If you’ve been following my journey, you know I’ve dealt with my share of physical and mental health challenges. My journey into mindfulness started not with some grand idea of wellness, but with learning to survive the storm within my own head. But mindfulness has helped me, one breath at a time, to show up in life more fully, finding peace even in uncomfortable places.

Getting comfortable with discomfort, facing fears, and finding compassion for yourself – that’s where healing begins. This stuff isn’t about fixing yourself or becoming a “better” person. It’s about learning to accept every part of yourself, even the parts you’d rather avoid.

Final Thoughts on the Guide to Sexual Wellness

Here’s the thing – mindfulness isn’t a cure-all, and it’s not going to magically “fix” everything. Healing is a journey with its ups and downs. Some days, it’ll feel like you’re making huge strides. On other days, it might feel like you’re back at square one. And that’s alright.

The goal here is patience. This isn’t a quick fix; it’s a shift in how you relate to yourself. So be gentle. You’re not in this alone. We’re all in the same boat, trying to find our way to a little more peace, a little more connection. And if mindfulness gives you even one more moment of that, it’s worth every effort.

Let mindfulness be that bridge, helping you reconnect with yourself and the people you care about. Give it a go, one breath at a time, and see where it takes you through this Guide to Sexual Wellness.