I have lost count of the days that I lost just laying in bed having the darkest thoughts. Each day just the same as the last, I had become a zombie with little to no interest in anything at all. I was living for weekends when I would have my daughter and the dog. During the lowest points of those days, I often thought what was the point? why was I here? I ran things through my head. The thoughts scared me filled me with fear and dread. Some of the thoughts were so dark and I would run it over and over.
There is a big difference in suicide and suicidal, though both of the same thought process and mindset.
Statistics and trends
They are very scary statistics, sadly the stigma surrounding mental health still exists despite the high profile campaigns etc.
How would it end?
I often thought about how I would do it, how I would end the darkest thoughts, end the pain. In reality, the pain never ends it just passes to those closest to you, those who love you unconditionally.
I hate taking pills so that wasn’t an option, couldn’t hang myself, cut myself nope again not an option, jump of something again nope.
I knew and had gone through it in my head so many times, it had to be water. Water has always had a draw to me be it swimming in the river as kids, I love to be in or on water, paddleboarding, kayak, wild swimming. Most of my walks are near water be it the canal, the coast, the river or the waterfalls in the mountains.
One day
One day I found myself in the car on the way to the sea. I had decided today was the day. There wouldn’t be many if any people at a secluded beach in atrocious weather.
Music on I knew exactly where I was going, in my mind the darkest thoughts, the pain I was in had to come to an end. I drove down the dual carriageway towards Newport, down Malpas road and onto the M4, heading west. As I approached Tredegar house a song came on that jolted me, snapped my mind out of its thought process, technically this is called breaking state. Pulling off the motorway I drove around to Tredegar park, parked up, turned the engine off and cried like a baby. Picking up my phone the screen saver opened which is a picture of me and Ffion. This brought me back to my senses. As I do every day I gave gratitude for her being in my life. I tell her in one way or another that I love her every day. I used to do the same with Lewis.
Sitting there I opened my phone and sent her a message just a simple I Love You Tinker x
Fear
At the basic level, fear guides our fight or flight responses and helps to keep us safe and alive. Fear heightens your senses and awareness; it keeps you alert and helps in better preparation. The negative side of fear is when it holds you back from doing something positive.
My fear at that point was never holding my tinker again, never having a pint with my boy. They say we only grow on the other side of fear, fear can help us to
Focus and concentration.
Heighten Awareness
Acknowledgement and Enlightenment
Preparation and Planning.
Dissect Extremes.
Remove Barriers.
Break Routine.
Positive Fear
There are other positive aspects to fear and breaking out of the comfort zone.
This post has been in draft for a while, I have held my finger over the publish button a few times and then just saved the draft.
Constantly I say we need to have the conversation regarding mental health every day not just some random week in the year. My purpose in my writing is to raise awareness to let others know they are not alone and that there are plenty out there suffering the exact same feelings.
Please feel free to share among friends, among social media groups that you are in, and please, please, please talk. Check-in on the ones you have not seen in a while those that have strangely gone quiet. And as always I am here at any time of the day or night to listen.
I am thinking of setting up a group where we get together to talk, go for walks maybe even cook and just talk bollocks together, I have lots of thoughts in my head at the moment on my direction and purpose but one thing for sure they are positive not the darkest thoughts I did have, and the only time I will be walking into the sea is for fun, I am trying to get in there soon just have to work the timing between the seasonal storms. There are many health benefits to cold water be it contrast showers or wild swimming but that’s another post.
Over the last few years, there has been a lot of research into the gut-brain axis, studies and work on a healthy gut healthy mind link. One of the best ways to improve your mental health is through your gut. We have all heard of changing your eating habits for improving certain health issues such as high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes and certain cancers. How many of us have ever considered doing so for our mental health?
A few simple dietary changes may boost cognitive function and reduce symptoms of depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders.
When most people think of boosting their brainpower, they think of learning something new or engaging in thought-provoking debate. As it turns out, one of the best ways to improve your mental health is through your gut. Like your brain, the gut has its own nervous system, which sends information to the brain via the vagus nerve. This helps explain why you might feel queasy when you’re nervous or stressed. Just as the brain impacts the gut, what we put in our gut can impact the functioning of the brain.
Gut Microbes Make Other Chemicals That Affect the Brain
The trillions of microbes that live in your gut also make other chemicals that affect how your brain works.
Your gut microbes produce lots of short-chain fatty acids (SCFA) such as butyrate, propionate and acetate.
They make SCFA by digesting fiber. SCFA affect brain function in a number of ways, such as reducing appetite.
Gut Microbes Affect Inflammation
Your gut-brain axis is also connected through the immune system.
Gut and gut microbes play an important role in your immune system and inflammation by controlling what is passed into the body and what is excreted.
If your immune system is switched on for too long, it can lead to inflammation, which is associated with a number of brain disorders like depression and Alzheimer’s disease.
Lipopolysaccharide (LPS) is an inflammatory toxin made by certain bacteria. It can cause inflammation if too much of it passes from the gut into the blood.
This can happen when the gut barrier becomes leaky, which allows bacteria and LPS to cross over into the blood.
Inflammation and high LPS in the blood have been associated with a number of brain disorders including severe depression, dementia and schizophrenia.
Your gut and brain are connected through millions of nerves. Most importantly the vagus nerve. The gut and its microbes also control inflammation and make many different compounds that can affect brain health.
What is the vagus nerve and what does it do?
What is the vagus nerve?
The vagus nerve is one of the cranial nerves that connect the brain to the body. The most important function of the vagus nerve is afferent, bringing information of the inner organs, such as gut, liver, heart, and lungs to the brain. This suggests that the inner organs are major sources of sensory information to the brain.
The vagus nerve has two bunches of sensory nerve cell bodies, and it connects the brainstem to the body. It allows the brain to monitor and receive information.
Foods for a healthy gut healthy mind.
Gut health refers to the balance of microorganisms that live in the digestive tract. Looking after the health of the gut and maintaining the right balance of these microorganisms is vital for physical and mental health, immunity, and more.
These bacteria, yeasts, and viruses — of which there are around 100 trillion — are also called the “gut microbiome” or “gut flora.”
The following boost gut microbiome.
fermented vegetables
kefir
kimchi
kombucha
miso
sauerkraut
tempeh
To enhance your gut health you may wish to include more of the following prebiotic-rich foods in their diet:
asparagus
bananas
chicory
garlic
Jerusalem artichoke
onions
whole grains
Other things to consider.
Eat less sugar and sweeteners.
Reduce Stress.
Avoid taking antibiotics unnecessarily.
Exercise Regularly.
Get Enough Sleep.
Change your cleaning products. We live in a far to sanitised world with all the antibacterial products, these not only kill harmful bacteria they kill the healthy as well.
Antidepressants, particularly selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, or SSRIs, have been shown to impact libido and sex drive. With symptoms like reduced libido, delayed ejaculation, erectile dysfunction and an inability or delayed ability to reach orgasm. I have been on sertraline which is one of the most common SSRI’s.
Antidepressants are the second most prescribed drug by NHS Wales with figures over 2.5 million being prescribed in 2018, the figure in England, data from NHS Digital show that 70.9 million prescriptions for antidepressants were given out in 2018, compared with 36 million in 2008.
This is a startling number. One of the reasons I actually decided to write this post. Of course, I am writing this from a man’s perspective. I can’t comment on it from the fairer sex point of view. Women taking SSRIs may experience delayed lubrication as well as delayed or blocked orgasm. Generally, women are also likely to experience a lack of desire for sex. In some cases, women report discomfort during sex.
No interest.
For me, I have had little to no interest, but you are single I hear you say. An old joke observes that 98% of people masturbate, and the other 2% are lying. In a recent study, only 38% of women said they’d masturbated at all during the past year. The figure for men was 61%. Hmmm do you believe the figures, we all know we can make statistics say anything we wish. For me, there was no desire to even masturbate, I would have rather had a cup of tea and some cheese. You could have put all my female fantasies in a room and I doubt that there would have been much interest. When I did masturbate I do not recall actually ejaculating and gave up.
So as I have written about I have now come off my antidepressants, it is only a week but in general, I am feeling a lot better in myself and have so far touch wood not experienced any side effects.
Antidepressants, libido, sex drive.
“Pathways of sexual desire involve serotonin, but also chemicals such as dopamine and norepinephrine,”. “Dopamine is linked to the intense passion and arousal of romantic love. While norepinephrine is associated with the heightened attention and motivation of desire. Serotonin-enhancing antidepressants blunt sexual desire by reducing the capacity of dopamine and norepinephrine, or excitatory pathways, to be activated.”
Natural treatment
So I am now going back to basics. Through diet and meditation and exercise.
Foods to increase dopamine and norepinephrine.
Dairy foods such as milk, cheese and yoghurt.
Unprocessed meats such as beef, chicken and turkey.
Omega-3 rich fish such as salmon and mackerel.
Eggs.
Fruit and vegetables, in particular bananas.
Nuts such as almonds and walnuts.
Dark chocolate.
There is strong scientific evidence showing that meditation and yoga can naturally release and increase dopamine and norepinephrine as well as serotonin.
My doctor believed that I was suffering from depression brought on by low serotonin levels and his first thing was to recommend antidepressants (SSRI’s sertraline). I fully understand that the doctor does not have the time to investigate the root cause. I have done my own research and am going back to basics and will see how I get on.
