I Am Enough
One day at a time
What is Depression, for each and every person suffering it is different? For each and everyone, it is one day at a time. There are things that are common for most people.
10 common symptoms of depression:
- Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. An outlook that nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation.
- Loss of interest in normal activities. You don’t care anymore about former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, sex, showering. You’ve lost your ability to feel joy and pleasure.
- Eating habits or weight changes. Weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.
- Sleep patterns. Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning or oversleeping.
- Anger or irritability. Feeling agitated, restless, or even violent. Your tolerance level is low, your temper short, and everything and everyone gets on your nerves.
- No energy. Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete.
- Self-hate. Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. You harshly criticize yourself for perceived faults and mistakes.
- Reckless behaviour. You engage in escapist behaviours such as substance abuse alcohol and drugs can be prescription or not, compulsive gambling, reckless driving, or dangerous sports.
- Concentration issues. Trouble focusing, making decisions or remembering things.
- Unusual aches and pains. An increase in physical complaints such as headaches, back pain, aching muscles, and stomach pain.
One day at a time.
I identify with all the above to different degrees one day at a time. I have posted about some of the above already on here. Still awake at about 1.30 last night, I dozed off but woke again at around 3.30 as with most I looked at my phone to see the time and yes opened it and scrolled through social media, what the fuck did I think had changed since looking at it at 1.30.
Opened calm and selected a guided sleep meditation, a 15-minute body scan. Next thing it is 7 I have no inclination or desire to get up. Resisting the urge to pick up the phone and check facebook etc, instead, I do a reiki self-healing and a mindfulness breathing exercise. Often during my self-healing, I will fall asleep, this being my body and mind telling me that rest is needed. At about 10 the noise of the workmen outside disturbs me.
Replying to a few messages that I have got. Stay in bed and fester or get up, fester being the operative word as I’m not sure when I showered last and smell like a tramps pants. It is 12 before I drag my sorry ass out of bed and actually have a shower, I do a contrast shower as these always make me feel alive and give me a real kickstart, from as hot as is bearable to as cold as it goes, there are plenty of studies on the benefits of these showers and cold water therapy.
Day by day
The kitchen side is a mess, evidence of half a packet of crackers and copious amounts of cheese consumed after drinking 8 cans of lager, points to one of the above traits of eating and substance abuse. Tidy up make a brew, tell Alexa to play classical music and open the laptop. Writing or journaling does help me, with the music on in the background, a lamp to shed some light as it is rather bleak outside. In general, I write whatever comes into my head at the time, sometimes I will write on here and other times it will be in a notepad on the coffee table, one day at a time, I need to get back into the practice of doing my gratitude journal, every person that has had one of the journals from me loves them.
What will I do the rest of the day, going for one of my walks is not an option in this weather, yes it is only weather and skin is waterproof but there is no point in me getting soaking wet and miserable? No need to go to shops I got everything need, stew in the fridge which today is with my ultimate comfort food mashed potato, will be a bit of a twist on today’s version, some of the butter will be replaced with beef bone marrow, marrow bones put in the oven for about 15 minutes just until the marrow starts separating from the bone, added to the melted butter then stirred and whipped into the potatoes which have gone through the potato ricer. Rich, unctuous buttery and beefy mashed spud to go with my shin of beef stew.
Hobbies
There are still photos that need editing, another of my hobbies that have fallen by the wayside. Many of the pictures that I have posted lately have been done with the phone, the proper camera sat on the chair opposite since the last full moon when I took pictures that still sit on the memory card waiting for me to upload and edit. When I can be arsed which to be fair has not been that often lately I enjoy sitting and editing I find it mindful and helps me focus on something. In all honesty, I do not remember the last time I used the proper camera for my food photography. Nor the last time I took the time to write a recipe and share it oh except Ffion’s gooey Swedish chocolate cake we made yesterday.
Well, that’s another post for the blog. Another hour when I have not just sat and stared at the four walls. Another hour I feel that I have done something constructive with my time. Though I write for me and for my mental health if my ramblings and story can help just one other person then that is a result. Remember you are never alone and to take it one day at a time. Heres hoping the rest of the day goes well.
