I Am Enough
Purpose
Yesterday had a purpose and meaning, I set an intention and did it. I woke well before the alarm and knew exactly what I was going to do everything planned and set in place. Camera-ready, memory card sorted, batteries charged, flask ready. I had wanted to get a sunset from one of the local mountains for a while. One benefit of doing it at this time of year is that sunrise is not actually until around 8 am.
That said I was still on the mountain at not long after 6. I could have just driven around to Foxhunters car park and just sat in the car and waited but I had decided to park at Keepers and walk. The solitude and being on my own are not an issue and I actually enjoy it. I never actually seen any people. People arrived in Foxhunters carpark around 7.30 or so and just sat in the car park. I had walked onto the moor so I had the best viewpoint to capture the sunrise.
Dawn Chorus
As is often the case the changes in light before the actual sunrise is far more interesting. I stood watching ravens in the pre-dawn light, grouse in the heather calling. The dawn chorus always starts with the largest birds calling first, there are not many larger than the Raven. I find the whole Corvidae family fascinating and always have as a kid I kept a jackdaw in my bedroom.
The main character in the short stories that I told Ffion since she can remember involved Harry the Crow. He is still here and always will be. We now have a physical Harry as a very good friend crotched a crow for me and Ffion. I have so many stories of Harry and his friends that I know should be put to paper for others. Harry was there when Ffion had her meltdowns and would not talk to me or her mum. She would talk with Harry even though it was just my hand.
Post walk high
I got back home late morning, over 250 raw files on the memory card over 5gb of files. While the files were imported on to the laptop I made a fry up the full monty.
I actually quite enjoy editing the images in photoshop, photoshop is basically the digital photographer’s darkroom. Instead of mixing chemicals its a question of highlights, shadows, contrast, exposure and sharpening. I find the whole process very mindful and it takes my mind and focus away from all the bollocks.
After editing around 30 raw files I took a break and realised it was almost 7 pm. There are still around 200 images that need editing but I decided that was enough for the day.
Evening
In all honesty, I have absolutely no idea what was on the TV last night other than a programme on Mental Health. I did post a short rant on FaceBook regarding it. By now I had drunk about 6 cans of German beer. Watching the programme flicked a few of my triggers and I had to get out. It is not the first time in the last few months when I have found myself outdoors in just shorts and a t-shirt. Last time I sat in the shared garden I have for about 20 minutes in minus 3. At these times I do my mindful breathing exercises and earthing. Mainly due to the fact I just walk out of the flat barefoot in whatever I have on when I get the anxiety or panic attacks.
Last night it was shorts and a t-shirt and I walked around the car parking area. Not that it makes any difference as I do not notice the temperature. When I started the day on the Blorenge it was -5, it was nowhere near as cold as we had a lot of cloud cover. This is one of the few things I notice as one of my focuses when I do my walkabouts are the stars and constellations.
Insomnia
As I posted on Facebook in the middle of the night
So I have been up since 4.50 yesterday when I went up the mountain to catch the sunrise, I had 20 minutes snooze this afternoon and I am still awake. Insomnia sucks the sweat off Franks big dangly nuts. In the process of creating a recipe section on the blog, transferring the videos to youtube and talking to Lee Fash Williams who wants to do some bonkers pig grylls wild camp kill and cook stuff and you wonder why my heads fucked lol
I started this post about how I am totally different when I have a purpose as to when I just wallow in self-pity.
The post has gone off on a tangent somewhat and in all honesty. I am not totally sure what is in the post until I read back. Sometimes I will just hit the post button and read it online. Luckily my spelling and grammar are generally OK 🙂
This is one of those posts that I will read later. If it makes sense then that’s ok if not then that’s ok as well. This is my story my now and it helps me to just on occasion write total nonsense.
If any of it strikes a chord please leave a comment and if you feel it will help anyone then please share. Love to you all. Give gratitude for what you have not what you want.
