Is there a difference to being alone or lonely, what does it mean to you to be alone or lonely? Alone and lonely are both adjectives, but they have different meanings. A person is alone when they are by themself. A person is lonely when they feel abandoned or sad due to isolation. Since alone and solitary both contain the letter A, you can remember that alone refers to a state of solitude, rather than an emotion.
There are times we all feel lonely. The feelings of loneliness are personal, so everyone’s experiences of loneliness will be different.
One common description of loneliness is the feeling we get when our need for rewarding social contact and relationships is not met. But loneliness is not always the same as being alone.
You may choose to be alone and live happily without much contact with other people, while others may find this a lonely experience.
Or you may have lots of social contacts, or be in a relationship or part of a family, and still feel lonely – especially if you don’t feel understood or cared for by the people around you.
I never feel lonely when I’m in nature. I feel more connected than ever when I’m walking alone through a wood or by a river.
How can I manage loneliness?
This page has some tips and suggestions for managing feelings of loneliness:
- Take it slow
- Make new connections
- Try peer support
- Try to open up
- Talking therapies
- Social care
- Be careful when comparing yourself to others
- Look after yourself.
Some people find these ideas useful, but remember that different things work for different people at different times. Only try what you feel comfortable with, and try not to put too much pressure on yourself. If something isn’t working for you (or doesn’t feel possible just now), you can try something else, or come back to it another time.
What is Depression, for each and every person suffering it is different? For each and everyone, it is one day at a time. There are things that are common for most people.
10 common symptoms of depression:
- Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. An outlook that nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation.
- Loss of interest in normal activities. You don’t care anymore about former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, sex, showering. You’ve lost your ability to feel joy and pleasure.
- Eating habits or weight changes. Weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.
- Sleep patterns. Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning or oversleeping.
- Anger or irritability. Feeling agitated, restless, or even violent. Your tolerance level is low, your temper short, and everything and everyone gets on your nerves.
- No energy. Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete.
- Self-hate. Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. You harshly criticize yourself for perceived faults and mistakes.
- Reckless behaviour. You engage in escapist behaviours such as substance abuse alcohol and drugs can be prescription or not, compulsive gambling, reckless driving, or dangerous sports.
- Concentration issues. Trouble focusing, making decisions or remembering things.
- Unusual aches and pains. An increase in physical complaints such as headaches, back pain, aching muscles, and stomach pain.
One day at a time.
I identify with all the above to different degrees one day at a time. I have posted about some of the above already on here. Still awake at about 1.30 last night, I dozed off but woke again at around 3.30 as with most I looked at my phone to see the time and yes opened it and scrolled through social media, what the fuck did I think had changed since looking at it at 1.30.
Opened calm and selected a guided sleep meditation, a 15-minute body scan. Next thing it is 7 I have no inclination or desire to get up. Resisting the urge to pick up the phone and check facebook etc, instead, I do a reiki self-healing and a mindfulness breathing exercise. Often during my self-healing, I will fall asleep, this being my body and mind telling me that rest is needed. At about 10 the noise of the workmen outside disturbs me.
Replying to a few messages that I have got. Stay in bed and fester or get up, fester being the operative word as I’m not sure when I showered last and smell like a tramps pants. It is 12 before I drag my sorry ass out of bed and actually have a shower, I do a contrast shower as these always make me feel alive and give me a real kickstart, from as hot as is bearable to as cold as it goes, there are plenty of studies on the benefits of these showers and cold water therapy.
Day by day
The kitchen side is a mess, evidence of half a packet of crackers and copious amounts of cheese consumed after drinking 8 cans of lager, points to one of the above traits of eating and substance abuse. Tidy up make a brew, tell Alexa to play classical music and open the laptop. Writing or journaling does help me, with the music on in the background, a lamp to shed some light as it is rather bleak outside. In general, I write whatever comes into my head at the time, sometimes I will write on here and other times it will be in a notepad on the coffee table, one day at a time, I need to get back into the practice of doing my gratitude journal, every person that has had one of the journals from me loves them.
What will I do the rest of the day, going for one of my walks is not an option in this weather, yes it is only weather and skin is waterproof but there is no point in me getting soaking wet and miserable? No need to go to shops I got everything need, stew in the fridge which today is with my ultimate comfort food mashed potato, will be a bit of a twist on today’s version, some of the butter will be replaced with beef bone marrow, marrow bones put in the oven for about 15 minutes just until the marrow starts separating from the bone, added to the melted butter then stirred and whipped into the potatoes which have gone through the potato ricer. Rich, unctuous buttery and beefy mashed spud to go with my shin of beef stew.
Hobbies
There are still photos that need editing, another of my hobbies that have fallen by the wayside. Many of the pictures that I have posted lately have been done with the phone, the proper camera sat on the chair opposite since the last full moon when I took pictures that still sit on the memory card waiting for me to upload and edit. When I can be arsed which to be fair has not been that often lately I enjoy sitting and editing I find it mindful and helps me focus on something. In all honesty, I do not remember the last time I used the proper camera for my food photography. Nor the last time I took the time to write a recipe and share it oh except Ffion’s gooey Swedish chocolate cake we made yesterday.
Well, that’s another post for the blog. Another hour when I have not just sat and stared at the four walls. Another hour I feel that I have done something constructive with my time. Though I write for me and for my mental health if my ramblings and story can help just one other person then that is a result. Remember you are never alone and to take it one day at a time. Heres hoping the rest of the day goes well.
I am writing this at 01:47, tonight I had a massive anxiety attack. Why I have no idea I was sat watching telly with a beer. I have had a bit of a shit day, the car failed its MOT resulting in a £200 bill. If I never lived where I do I could have easily said bollox to it. With no car where I live, I would be totally fucked. Took the car down at 11 for its MOT, there is nothing near the garage except a pub so while waiting I had a couple of pints. Fifty minutes later I get a call saying the car has failed. A few questions later and I am looking at a bill of £300 including the MOT. Just what I need right now HO fucking HO to the season of goodwill. I tell the garage to order the part.
Finishing my pint I pick the car up and go home until the parts in for the job to be done. A couple of hours later and I get a call saying the part is in and they can fit me in within the next hour. The car took back to the garage and another hour or so I need to waste.
The car finally sorted and back home. Couldn’t be bothered cooking so ordered takeaway, a rare occurrence for me these days.
Anxious
At about 10 I had a rising feeling of being anxious. No trigger no reason, starting in my stomach and rising. I was boiling hot and sweating and couldn’t catch my breath. It wasn’t because the flat was hot as I have the thermostat set at 19c except when Ffion is here if shes cold. I started doing some deep breathing exercises, doing my mindful breathing. It is hard to explain to someone the feeling I have at these times. I had a glass of ice-cold water when I have these attacks I drink it through a straw. Focusing on the sensation of the cold, the flow of the water, this is another mindful exercise and with the breathing takes the focus off the anxiety.
I was slightly less anxious now but still not totally calm, I went out to the garden, bear in mind it was around 0c and all I was wearing were shorts and a t-shirt. Sitting in the garden I did some more deep breathing exercises. In for 5, hold for 5 and out for 5. Whether it was the cold air filling my lungs or just being outdoors within about 5 minutes I was back to being calm. It wasn’t until I actually came back in that I noticed the cold. My skin stinging at the warmth of the flat. Though these attacks leave me drained I could not settle or sleep. The last time I looked at the time it was 5.56 am, the sleep I had wasn’t the best and I felt drained when I woke again about 3-4 hours later.
Exercise for anxiety and panic attacks
Panic attacks prompt catastrophic thinking with thoughts, which are most likely irrational and out of proportion to reality. However, the symptoms of a panic attack cannot be ignored and are no joke. Panic attacks can increase with time and prevent us from functioning well in everyday activities. To prevent anxiety from increasing and interfering with daily life, grounding exercises are recommended. These help us manage the symptoms of anxiety. As you feel your body becoming anxious, you can do these exercises to reduce the “spacey” feelings and prevent the spiral downward to a panic attack. One of the most common grounding techniques is the “5-4-3-2-1” exercise.
How it works
Start with conscious breathing. Breathe in for 5 seconds, hold the breath for 5 seconds, and breathe out for 5 seconds. Continue this pattern until you find your thoughts slowing down.
5. Acknowledge 5 THINGS around you that you can SEE. Maybe it is a clock on the wall, carpet on the floor, a table or chair, clouds moving past, or a nearby tree. However big or small, recognize 5 items you can see with your eyes.
4. Acknowledge 4 THINGS around you that you can TOUCH. Maybe it is your computer at work, the chair you are sitting on, your legs or hair, or your wallet or purse. Recognize 4 items you can feel with your hands or body.
3. Acknowledge 3 THINGS around you that you can HEAR. Maybe it is the sound of people talking or walking, the laughter of children, birds chirping. Use your fine-tuning and see if you can hear ambient sounds you may not normally tune into – clocks ticking, cars going by. Name 3 things that are audible to you.
2. Acknowledge 2 THINGS around you that you can SMELL. This one may be tricky if you are not in a stimulating environment, so if you cannot automatically sniff something out, walk nearby to find a scent. You might walk to a bathroom to smell soap, outside to smell something in nature, lean over and smell a pillow on the couch, a pencil on the desk, or check to see how your deodorant is working today. Whatever it may be, take in the smells around you.
1. Acknowledge 1 THING that you can TASTE. It might be the aftertaste of coffee, gum or your last meal. Or take a sip of water or grab a snack if it is handy. I also recommend taking an additional deep breath when done.
