Introduction: The Battle I Never Saw Coming

My sobriety journey didn’t begin with some dramatic wake-up call—no drink-driving charge, no lost job, no one moment where it all fell apart. Instead, it was a slow, creeping realisation that I was losing a war I didn’t even know I was fighting. Thirty-four years ago, my life was defined by chaos, adrenaline, and a never-ending supply of alcohol. I was deep in the military, surrounded by the roar of armoured vehicles, the crack of gunfire, and the unbreakable bond of brotherhood. We fought hard, drank harder, and convinced ourselves that drowning reality in booze was just part of the job.

Looking back

I see a man who thought he was indestructible. I remember waking up in a German Krankenhaus, tubes running from my body after yet another night of alcohol poisoning. No memory of how I got there, only the crushing realisation that my drinking had taken me to the edge. I had also been jailed more than once during my time in the army because of my drinking habits—bouts of recklessness that seemed funny at the time but were slowly eroding my future. But now, I feel a mix of regret and relief—regret for the years lost to reckless habits, but relief that I finally saw through the illusion before it was too late.

The photos tell a different story—confidence fuelled by lager and whisky, a reckless bravado masking a mind that was silently unravelling. I smiled for the camera, but behind that grin was a man struggling to keep it together, using alcohol as a shield against the reality I didn’t want to face. The laughter was loud, but the silence when I was alone was deafening. I didn’t want to admit it then, but deep down, I knew I was crumbling. The hospital visits, the blackouts, the 20 bottles of Warsteiner Sundays followed by 7 AM basic fitness tests—none of it raised a red flag because, in the military, this was normal. But normal doesn’t mean healthy, and the truth is, I was drinking to avoid the silence, to numb the things I didn’t want to face.

Fast forward to today, and the battlefield looks different. The enemy isn’t out there—it’s within. My sobriety journey has been the hardest fight of my life, a war waged in the silence of my own thoughts. The difference? This time, I refuse to lose.

The Military, Alcohol & The Art of Avoidance

If you’ve served, you know the drill—alcohol isn’t just a pastime; it’s part of the culture. We drank to celebrate, to mourn, to kill time, to forget. It was how we processed grief, stress, and the sheer madness of what we did for a living. The deeper the wounds, the stronger the drink.

For years, I convinced myself I wasn’t a “problem drinker.” I told myself that I was just doing what everyone else did and that it was part of the culture. But the truth crept in slowly—waking up in places I didn’t remember getting to, seeing the concern in my friend’s eyes, and realizing that my “normal” drinking was quietly consuming me. The final wake-up call wasn’t one dramatic event; it was the gradual recognition that I had lost control. I was just doing what everyone else did, convincing myself it was all normal. But here’s the thing—when you’re drinking to silence the pain, the memories, and the weight of everything left unsaid, those things don’t disappear. They wait. And the moment you stop drowning them, they come back swinging. It waits. And the moment you stop drowning it, it comes back swinging.

One night, sitting alone in my barracks, I realised I wasn’t drinking for fun anymore—I was drinking because I had to. The ghosts, the regrets, the weight of things seen and done—they all stayed quiet as long as the bottle was full. But at some point, you run out of ways to outrun yourself.

The Moment I Took Back Control of My Sobriety Journey

People love neat, dramatic turning points. Sorry, mine’s not like that. There wasn’t one single “rock bottom” moment that changed everything—just a growing, gnawing feeling that the drinking, the blackouts, the wasted days were stealing more than they were giving.

Choosing sobriety wasn’t easy. The early days were brutal—cold sweats, cravings, feeling like I was stripping away a part of my identity. The hardest part? Facing emotions I had buried for years—regret, grief, anger—all rising to the surface without alcohol to push them back down. I remember one night after a long day, sitting in my flat with nothing but my thoughts. The urge to pour a drink was overwhelming, but I resisted. Instead, I let the emotions wash over me. The regret of missed opportunities, the grief for friends I’d lost, the anger at myself for taking so long to wake up—it all hit like a tidal wave.

That night, for the first time, I truly felt everything, and as painful as it was, I knew it was a step towards real healing. I remember one night sitting alone, staring at an untouched glass of water where a whisky should have been. The weight of everything I had been running from hit me at once. The faces of lost friends, the mistakes I couldn’t undo, the ache of wasted time—all there, raw and undeniable. Without the numbing effect of alcohol, I had no choice but to sit with those emotions and truly feel them for the first time.

I had to relearn how to live without the crutch of alcohol. How to sit with my thoughts instead of silencing them. How to actually experience emotions instead of drowning them. And let me tell you—that’s the real battle. No battlefield prepared me for the fight against my own mind.

Three Brutal Lessons From My Sobriety Journey

1. Other People’s Opinions Belong in the “Fuckit Bucket” At first, I worried—would my mates think I’d gone soft? Would I lose friendships? Would people take the piss? Here’s what I learned: other people’s opinions don’t mean shit. If someone mocks your sobriety, that says more about them than you. That’s why I created the Fuckit Bucket—a mental bin where I throw all the unnecessary noise: doubts, negativity, and other people’s expectations.
2. How Many F*s Do I Give? Zero. Sobriety strips everything bare. No social lubricant, no haze to hide behind. Before, I relied on alcohol to ease my way into conversations, to mask any awkwardness, and to create a false sense of connection. Now, I navigate social situations with a clear mind, genuinely engaging with people, truly listening, and building connections based on authenticity rather than intoxication. It was terrifying at first, but now, I wouldn’t trade that clarity for anything. Social situations used to feel effortless with a drink in hand—false confidence, easy banter, and the illusion of connection. Now, they feel different but more authentic. Conversations are real, connections deeper, and there’s no waking up wondering what I said or did the night before. It’s raw, but it’s real. And you know what? It’s fucking freeing. I used to think I’d be missing out by quitting drinking. Now, I realise I was missing everything by continuing. Without alcohol fogging my mind, I can see life for what it is—not through the bottom of a glass.
3. Focus on What You Can Control—The Rest Goes in the Fuckit Bucket In the military, we learned quickly: worrying about shit you can’t control is wasted energy. But for years, I ignored that in my personal life. Now, I focus on my Circle of Control: ✔️ My choices, my actions, my mindset ✔️ The people I allow in my life ✔️ How I handle stress without numbing it. Everything else? Straight in the Fuckit Bucket.

The Unseen Wins of My Sobriety Journey

Quitting drinking was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But it’s also the best. Here’s why:

✅ Mental Clarity – No more waking up in a haze, no more regret-fuelled mornings. ✅ Stronger Relationships – The real ones stuck around. The fake ones? Let themselves out. ✅ Better Health – I feel alive, not just functioning. ✅ Real Confidence – Not the kind that comes from a bottle, but the kind that can’t be shaken.

Thinking About Your Own Sobriety Journey? Read This.

If you’re here, reading this, something inside you already knows the answer. You don’t need a catastrophe to make a change. You just need to decide that you deserve better.

Sobriety isn’t about giving something up—it’s about getting your life back. I’ll never forget the morning I woke up, clear-headed, after my first full month sober. I stepped outside, felt the crisp air fill my lungs, and realised that for the first time in years, I was truly present. No regrets from the night before, no haze clouding my mind—just a quiet sense of control and a future that felt wide open.

The first morning I woke up without a hangover, I realised how much I had been missing. The world felt sharper, the air fresher, and my thoughts clearer than they had been in years. I stepped outside, taking in the morning sun without the usual headache and nausea clouding my senses. I could hear the birds, I watched a Red Kite(Wales national bird) drift right over my head, feel the chill in the air, and for the first time in a long time, I felt fully alive. It was at that moment I understood—I hadn’t just stopped drinking; I had started living again. That moment, standing under the early morning sun, I knew I had regained control—not just over alcohol, but over my entire existence.

And if I can do it—after 34 years of war zones, whisky, and denial—so can you.

Final Thought: What’s in Your Fuckit Bucket?

Life is too short to carry unnecessary weight. Regret? Self-doubt? Other people’s expectations? Toss it. Focus on what matters.

So, tell me—what’s one thing you’re chucking in the Fuckit Bucket today? Drop it in the comments. Let’s talk. You can find far more information, help and guides in the community group that I have created over on Facebook.

UK-Based Sobriety & Mental Health Resources

If you’re on your own sobriety journey and need support, guidance, or just a place to connect with like-minded people, here are some of the best UK-based resources that can help. Whether you’re looking for professional support, peer groups, or online communities, there’s something here for you.

🔥 Join the Sober Beyond Limits Community | My Sobriety Journey

🔹 Sober Beyond Limits Facebook Group – https://www.facebook.com/groups/soberbeyondlimits
A raw, unfiltered, no-BS community for people looking to live life alcohol-free, on their terms. Whether you’re sober-curious, newly sober, or years into your journey, this group is a safe space to share experiences, get support, and connect with others who get it.

🔹 Ian Callaghan’s Website – Resources, Coaching & Sobriety Support – https://iancallaghan.co.uk
Loads of free resources, blog posts, real-talk advice, and coaching from someone who’s been through the trenches of addiction and come out stronger. No fluff, no nonsense—just straight-up guidance on navigating sobriety.

🚑 Immediate Support & Crisis Help

🔹 Samaritans – https://www.samaritans.org
24/7 confidential emotional support for anyone struggling with their mental health, including addiction-related issues. Call 116 123 for free.

🔹 Drinkline (NHS Alcohol Helpline) – https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/alcohol-support/
Free, confidential helpline for advice on alcohol-related concerns. Call 0300 123 1110 (Mon-Fri 9 AM – 8 PM, weekends 11 AM – 4 PM).

🔹 Mind – https://www.mind.org.uk
A leading mental health charity offering support for those struggling with addiction, depression, and anxiety.

🍺 Alcohol Recovery & Support Groups

🔹 Alcoholics Anonymous UK (AA UK) – https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk
The UK branch of AA offers 12-step support groups across the country. Find local meetings and online sessions. Call 0800 9177 650.

🔹 SMART Recovery UK – https://www.smartrecovery.org.uk
Science-based, non-12-step recovery programme for people looking for practical tools to manage cravings and triggers.

🔹 Club Soda – Mindful Drinking Movement – https://joinclubsoda.com
A growing community helping people cut down, take a break, or quit alcohol entirely. They offer online courses, events, and meetups.

🔹 We Are With You – https://www.wearewithyou.org.uk
Formerly Addaction, this charity provides free, confidential support to people struggling with addiction and their families.

🔹 Soberistas – https://soberistas.com
An online community for people looking to live alcohol-free, with forums, blogs, and a supportive peer network.

🔹 Recovery Connections – https://www.recoveryconnections.org.uk
A recovery-focused charity providing peer support, residential rehab, and sober communities in the UK.

📱 Online & Digital Sobriety Resources

🔹 Bee Sober – https://www.beesoberofficial.com
A UK-based sober support network, offering coaching, social events, and accountability groups.

🔹 The Naked Mind UK – https://www.thisnakedmind.com
UK-based coaching and courses inspired by Annie Grace’s book, helping people change their relationship with alcohol.

🔹 Sober Dave – https://www.soberdave.com
A well-known UK sobriety advocate offering coaching, events, and podcasts to help people get sober.

🔹 The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober (Catherine Gray) – https://unexpectedjoy.co.uk
Website linked to the bestselling book, offering resources, events, and an online community for sober-curious people.

🏥 Rehab & Professional Treatment Services

🔹 Turning Point UK – https://www.turning-point.co.uk
Provides rehab, detox, and mental health support across the UK.

🔹 Change Grow Live (CGL) – https://www.changegrowlive.org
A nationwide service offering free drug and alcohol support, including rehab and harm reduction services.

🔹 Priory Group Rehab – https://www.priorygroup.com
Private rehab clinics across the UK, offer both inpatient and outpatient alcohol treatment.

🔹 UKAT (UK Addiction Treatment Centres) – https://www.ukat.co.uk
One of the UK’s leading private rehab providers, offering detox and residential rehab services.

📖 Books & Podcasts on Sobriety

📚 Books:

• The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober – Catherine Gray
• Alcohol Explained – William Porter
• This Naked Mind – Annie Grace
• Quit Like a Woman – Holly Whitaker
• Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget – Sarah Hepola

🎧 Podcasts:

• Over the Influence – https://over-the-influence.captivate.fm
• Love Sober Podcast – https://www.lovesober.com
• The Sober Awkward Podcast – https://soberawkward.com
• The Alcohol-Free Podcast (Janey Lee Grace) – https://www.thesoberclub.com

👊 Final Thought: You’re Not Alone

No matter where you are in your sobriety journey, help is out there. Whether you need a support group, professional help, or just a community that gets it, there’s a resource for you. Sobriety isn’t about giving something up—it’s about getting your life back. If I can do it, you can too.

💬 What’s been the most helpful resource on your journey? Drop it in the comments!

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