Where to start with this post about depression, addiction, self-medicating. Along with wit depression or any mental health issue, the first step to recovery is admitting to yourself that you have a problem. So I have never admitted to myself or anyone else that I have been addicted to anything, I have drunk to excess since I was a teenager, that carried on in the army and now I sit and write this I guess all my life. I always have been an all or nothing, I have gone months without a drop. There have been points in my life where there have been other vices with the drink and again it was all or nothing. Having never bought into the addictive personality thing like I say I have dropped things for long periods of time. I have not touched any recreational drugs in over 20 years and know I never will again. I went from smoking 40+ a day to quitting overnight that was 15 years ago and again I know I will never smoke again.

So why is it that whenever the black dog comes barking in my head do I go back to self-medicating with booze and yes it’s all or nothing, I can’t do a glass of wine or a few cans, I dare not get tonic or the gin that’s sat here for god knows how long would go as well and most probably in one go. I stopped the prescription antidepressants months ago as they turned me into a zombie, self-imposed lockdown but worse than what we are all doing now, I lost days at a time not knowing where I was or what I was doing. I guess one saving grace on this lockdown is that I have not gone to the shops to get booze and have restricted myself in general and have managed my intake pretty well.

The past

In the past, I have made pledges to certain people to curb my drinking and have done it, but in reality, it has cost me so much in life, even going back to my time in the Army drink cost me dearly on more than one occasion. I was Ian the drinker, I would kick the arse out of it and end up in the shit, twice leading to times in the regimental jail. The second cost me promotion and progression in my career, did I Learn the simple answer is no, did I listen again no I knew better didn’t I, thought I was the lad, in reality, I was a fool.

New beginnings

So what has brought me to here today, to put words down and write this post about depression, addiction, self-medicating? I feel alone, it is strange not having Ffion and Frank here on a Sunday, I had Ffion for most of the week so she is at home this weekend. The lockdown and isolation compound the matter, even though I am not the most social animal there is social interaction I do miss, even a trip to the shop you would strike up a conversation, now we all keep the distance do our bit in and out, the only conversation being would you like cash back, no thanks got no need for cash at the moment.

Yesterday I put an audiobook on and listened to the whole book. Russell Brand Addiction, I went off the bloke a few years back with all his political bollox, but he actually talks sense and as he says in the book he has been there. I have brushed it under the carpet over and over, after listening to the audiobook I downloaded the exercises and I am starting them, writing it all down in one of the numerous notebooks I have laying around. This morning I did my mindfulness, my meditation, I filled in my gratitude journal. I have taken the first steps, I will get on the road to recovery from depression, addiction, self-medicating.

So what next

I know I need to change things, I know what I need to do and how to do it. Another chapter moving on letting the past go but learning from it, I have other addictions I need to work on as well and will probably write another post regarding those, the plan is to put all of this into a book to chronicle my fight and how I have and how I continue to fight it. I am not looking for pity or anything like that, writing helps me along with the cooking, even with the cooking I am writing down the recipes etc and putting them on my other site. I wanted to keep both sides of the journey separate but together if that makes sense.

In the coming weeks I plan on doing a lot more of my meditation and will be recording some guided meditations to add to this site, they do work and I can honestly say they have been one of my saving graces. Another is a very small group of people who I talk to who check-in I will not name them here but they know who they are, they have got me out of the deepest holes at times I saw no way out, without talking to them I don’t know where I would be now.

Anyway it’s Sunday and I have another cooking video to do, chicken jalfrezi today, see another addiction but in general a healthy one that brings joy not hurt.

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That said I was still on the mountain at not long after 6. I could have just driven around to Foxhunters car park and just sat in the car and waited but I had decided to park at Keepers and walk. The solitude and being on my own are not an issue and I actually enjoy it. I never actually seen any people. People arrived in Foxhunters carpark around 7.30 or so and just sat in the car park. I had walked onto the moor so I had the best viewpoint to capture the sunrise.

Dawn Chorus

As is often the case the changes in light before the actual sunrise is far more interesting. I stood watching ravens in the pre-dawn light, grouse in the heather calling. The dawn chorus always starts with the largest birds calling first, there are not many larger than the Raven. I find the whole Corvidae family fascinating and always have as a kid I kept a jackdaw in my bedroom.

The main character in the short stories that I told Ffion since she can remember involved Harry the Crow. He is still here and always will be. We now have a physical Harry as a very good friend crotched a crow for me and Ffion. I have so many stories of Harry and his friends that I know should be put to paper for others. Harry was there when Ffion had her meltdowns and would not talk to me or her mum. She would talk with Harry even though it was just my hand.

Post walk high

I got back home late morning, over 250 raw files on the memory card over 5gb of files. While the files were imported on to the laptop I made a fry up the full monty.

I actually quite enjoy editing the images in photoshop, photoshop is basically the digital photographer’s darkroom. Instead of mixing chemicals its a question of highlights, shadows, contrast, exposure and sharpening. I find the whole process very mindful and it takes my mind and focus away from all the bollocks.

After editing around 30 raw files I took a break and realised it was almost 7 pm. There are still around 200 images that need editing but I decided that was enough for the day.

Evening

In all honesty, I have absolutely no idea what was on the TV last night other than a programme on Mental Health. I did post a short rant on FaceBook regarding it. By now I had drunk about 6 cans of German beer. Watching the programme flicked a few of my triggers and I had to get out. It is not the first time in the last few months when I have found myself outdoors in just shorts and a t-shirt. Last time I sat in the shared garden I have for about 20 minutes in minus 3. At these times I do my mindful breathing exercises and earthing. Mainly due to the fact I just walk out of the flat barefoot in whatever I have on when I get the anxiety or panic attacks.

Last night it was shorts and a t-shirt and I walked around the car parking area. Not that it makes any difference as I do not notice the temperature. When I started the day on the Blorenge it was -5, it was nowhere near as cold as we had a lot of cloud cover. This is one of the few things I notice as one of my focuses when I do my walkabouts are the stars and constellations.

Insomnia

As I posted on Facebook in the middle of the night

So I have been up since 4.50 yesterday when I went up the mountain to catch the sunrise, I had 20 minutes snooze this afternoon and I am still awake. Insomnia sucks the sweat off Franks big dangly nuts. In the process of creating a recipe section on the blog, transferring the videos to youtube and talking to Lee Fash Williams who wants to do some bonkers pig grylls wild camp kill and cook stuff and you wonder why my heads fucked lol

I started this post about how I am totally different when I have a purpose as to when I just wallow in self-pity.

The post has gone off on a tangent somewhat and in all honesty. I am not totally sure what is in the post until I read back. Sometimes I will just hit the post button and read it online. Luckily my spelling and grammar are generally OK

This is one of those posts that I will read later. If it makes sense then that’s ok if not then that’s ok as well. This is my story my now and it helps me to just on occasion write total nonsense.

If any of it strikes a chord please leave a comment and if you feel it will help anyone then please share. Love to you all. Give gratitude for what you have not what you want.

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I have lost count of the days that I lost just laying in bed having the darkest thoughts. Each day just the same as the last, I had become a zombie with little to no interest in anything at all. I was living for weekends when I would have my daughter and the dog. During the lowest points of those days, I often thought what was the point? why was I here? I ran things through my head. The thoughts scared me filled me with fear and dread. Some of the thoughts were so dark and I would run it over and over.

There is a big difference in suicide and suicidal, though both of the same thought process and mindset.

Statistics and trends

They are very scary statistics, sadly the stigma surrounding mental health still exists despite the high profile campaigns etc.

How would it end?

I often thought about how I would do it, how I would end the darkest thoughts, end the pain. In reality, the pain never ends it just passes to those closest to you, those who love you unconditionally.

I hate taking pills so that wasn’t an option, couldn’t hang myself, cut myself nope again not an option, jump of something again nope.

I knew and had gone through it in my head so many times, it had to be water. Water has always had a draw to me be it swimming in the river as kids, I love to be in or on water, paddleboarding, kayak, wild swimming. Most of my walks are near water be it the canal, the coast, the river or the waterfalls in the mountains.

One day

One day I found myself in the car on the way to the sea. I had decided today was the day. There wouldn’t be many if any people at a secluded beach in atrocious weather.

Music on I knew exactly where I was going, in my mind the darkest thoughts, the pain I was in had to come to an end. I drove down the dual carriageway towards Newport, down Malpas road and onto the M4, heading west. As I approached Tredegar house a song came on that jolted me, snapped my mind out of its thought process, technically this is called breaking state. Pulling off the motorway I drove around to Tredegar park, parked up, turned the engine off and cried like a baby. Picking up my phone the screen saver opened which is a picture of me and Ffion. This brought me back to my senses. As I do every day I gave gratitude for her being in my life. I tell her in one way or another that I love her every day. I used to do the same with Lewis.

Sitting there I opened my phone and sent her a message just a simple I Love You Tinker x

Fear

At the basic level, fear guides our fight or flight responses and helps to keep us safe and alive. Fear heightens your senses and awareness; it keeps you alert and helps in better preparation. The negative side of fear is when it holds you back from doing something positive.

My fear at that point was never holding my tinker again, never having a pint with my boy. They say we only grow on the other side of fear, fear can help us to

• Focus and concentration.
• Heighten Awareness
• Acknowledgement and Enlightenment
• Preparation and Planning.
• Dissect Extremes.
• Remove Barriers.
• Break Routine.

Positive Fear

There are other positive aspects to fear and breaking out of the comfort zone.

This post has been in draft for a while, I have held my finger over the publish button a few times and then just saved the draft.

Constantly I say we need to have the conversation regarding mental health every day not just some random week in the year. My purpose in my writing is to raise awareness to let others know they are not alone and that there are plenty out there suffering the exact same feelings.

Please feel free to share among friends, among social media groups that you are in, and please, please, please talk. Check-in on the ones you have not seen in a while those that have strangely gone quiet. And as always I am here at any time of the day or night to listen.

I am thinking of setting up a group where we get together to talk, go for walks maybe even cook and just talk bollocks together, I have lots of thoughts in my head at the moment on my direction and purpose but one thing for sure they are positive not the darkest thoughts I did have, and the only time I will be walking into the sea is for fun, I am trying to get in there soon just have to work the timing between the seasonal storms. There are many health benefits to cold water be it contrast showers or wild swimming but that’s another post.

Love to you all x

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Antidepressants, particularly selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, or SSRIs, have been shown to impact libido and sex drive. With symptoms like reduced libido, delayed ejaculation, erectile dysfunction and an inability or delayed ability to reach orgasm. I have been on sertraline which is one of the most common SSRI’s.

Antidepressants are the second most prescribed drug by NHS Wales with figures over 2.5 million being prescribed in 2018, the figure in England, data from NHS Digital show that 70.9 million prescriptions for antidepressants were given out in 2018, compared with 36 million in 2008.

This is a startling number. One of the reasons I actually decided to write this post. Of course, I am writing this from a man’s perspective. I can’t comment on it from the fairer sex point of view.  Women taking SSRIs may experience delayed lubrication as well as delayed or blocked orgasm. Generally, women are also likely to experience a lack of desire for sex. In some cases, women report discomfort during sex.

No interest.

For me, I have had little to no interest, but you are single I hear you say. An old joke observes that 98% of people masturbate, and the other 2% are lying.  In a recent study, only 38% of women said they’d masturbated at all during the past year. The figure for men was 61%. Hmmm do you believe the figures, we all know we can make statistics say anything we wish. For me, there was no desire to even masturbate, I would have rather had a cup of tea and some cheese. You could have put all my female fantasies in a room and I doubt that there would have been much interest. When I did masturbate I do not recall actually ejaculating and gave up.

So as I have written about I have now come off my antidepressants, it is only a week but in general, I am feeling a lot better in myself and have so far touch wood not experienced any side effects.

Antidepressants, libido, sex drive.

“Pathways of sexual desire involve serotonin, but also chemicals such as dopamine and norepinephrine,”. “Dopamine is linked to the intense passion and arousal of romantic love. While norepinephrine is associated with the heightened attention and motivation of desire. Serotonin-enhancing antidepressants blunt sexual desire by reducing the capacity of dopamine and norepinephrine, or excitatory pathways, to be activated.”

Natural treatment

So I am now going back to basics. Through diet and meditation and exercise.

Foods to increase dopamine and norepinephrine.

• Dairy foods such as milk, cheese and yoghurt.
• Unprocessed meats such as beef, chicken and turkey.
• Omega-3 rich fish such as salmon and mackerel.
• Eggs.
• Fruit and vegetables, in particular bananas.
• Nuts such as almonds and walnuts.
• Dark chocolate.

There is strong scientific evidence showing that meditation and yoga can naturally release and increase dopamine and norepinephrine as well as serotonin.

My doctor believed that I was suffering from depression brought on by low serotonin levels and his first thing was to recommend antidepressants (SSRI’s sertraline). I fully understand that the doctor does not have the time to investigate the root cause. I have done my own research and am going back to basics and will see how I get on.

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Today’s walk was in Talybont forest in the Brecon Beacons national park.

This is a relatively easy walk all though a bit slippery in places, well it is when you clamber of wet mossy rocks to get a better angle for your pictures. I had procrastinated and wasted the morning making excuses not to go out. Just after lunchtime and having decided that I would not take my antidepressant I showered and get ready to go out.

Natural or manufactured?

Natures antidepressants were the order of the day. Being in, on or around water lifts me. Being in woods or forests lifts me. The local mountains lift me. Why I have stopped getting out baffles me, it is only since being on the tablets that I have stopped. I had even stopped my mindfulness, stopped eating my fermented foods. It is proven that all of these help with mental health. When you also take in the exercise that I am missing out on another proven help in mental health. Is it any wonder that one tablet can not have the same benefits as several natural things we have done forever.

Weaning off

I won’t just stop the tablets as I am aware there are side effects associated with it, I will, however, cut back on them until I wean myself off them. There have been no positives that I am aware of since starting them. People say to give them time before making a judgement. It is now 10 weeks since starting on these. The cons at present outweigh the pros. I see no cons in natures antidepressants and the other things I was doing such as mindfulness and healthy eating.

I have also gained weight since being on the sertraline. So for me, it makes sense to start weaning off the big pharma crap that masks the root cause but doesn’t cure it. If they created cures they would soon be out of business, so I am going back to natural and natures antidepressants. Time to give myself a kick up the arse and get on with it. I have signed up for red January again for MIND this will be my accountability for being active every day.

Been a while since I wrote but had a good Christmas with Ffion being here a lot of the time and she is back with me tomorrow. I plan on getting out in the morning before going to collect her and Frank for New Years Eve. No partying for me a quiet night with my tinker and the hound. A glass of wine for me hot chocolate for Ffion that is after shes had the steak shes ordered for tea. Wishing each and every one of you a Happy New Year. Love from me and mine to you and yours, good health to you all.

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Sunday evening is one of my triggers. It’s one thing, anyone, with mental health issues, has to learn, their triggers and coping. My Sunday night trigger is taking Ffion home. Throughout the day it builds from getting up. Knowing that she will be going home well her and Frank will be. I recently posted about alone and loneliness. There is no issue in being alone and enjoy time by myself but Sunday night I often feel lonely. There is a huge difference in being alone and lonely. I know this is coming and recognise it as one of my triggers. I have now started to put things in place, this is my triggers and coping.

It would be all to easy to just sit here put shit on the telly and get drunk to block it out for that short time the drink took over the mind. Having been there done that I know it is not the answer to the problem. Most weeks I now take Ffion home late afternoon then come home and cook my tea, this gives me something to occupy the mind and focus on. Another thing is picking up one of my hobbies be that editing some photos, writing like I am now, listening to music. It definitely helps me having coping practices in place and knowing my triggers.

Different strokes for different folks.

Triggers can be internal or external, including smells, sights, sounds, and emotions that remind the person of the past trauma in some way. Triggers can also be relevant for those with other mental health disorders, including anxiety disorders, eating disorders, and substance abuse. Like I said earlier my substance abuse was drink, I would drink to excess to block it out. Foolishly I believed that was me coping with my issues. The reality was it only made my issues worse.

My coping

Social media has its pros and cons with both triggers and coping for me. There are times you look on social media and everyone is happy and living a perfect life. Even though myself and everybody else knows that all we see are the highlight reels of peoples lives we still compare and chastise ourselves. Then it is an excellent resource for connecting with others, be that friends or through various groups that exist. It can be a great coping tool by taking away that loneliness through social interaction.

Often on a Sunday night, I have an Epsom salt bath. There is so much scientific evidence on the benefits of this, it is by far the easiest and best ways to get certain minerals into the body. From magnesium known for its sleep benefits to reducing stress and exercise recovery. For a long time, I have talked about the benefits of mindfulness and meditation and its benefits as a coping mechanism for so many aspects from anxiety to depression.

Mindfulness and meditation

There are plenty of online resources and apps with guided meditations.

I am currently following one that triggers the pineal gland and thus actually release serotonin. There is not a single antidepressant that does this, we have SSRIs but they manage serotonin not create it. There is a lot of medical thought that depression can be a low level of serotonin. If by doing something totally natural and not a product of the global big pharma helps me then I will take that every day.

This is by no means an exhaustive test if how I cope or my triggers, everyone’s triggers and coping is different. Find your triggers and work out how you will cope with them.

My inbox is always open and I will always reply to any messages.

Please comment about how you cope with your triggers. What do you do to manage?

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Is there a difference to being alone or lonely, what does it mean to you to be alone or lonely? Alone and lonely are both adjectives, but they have different meanings. A person is alone when they are by themself. A person is lonely when they feel abandoned or sad due to isolation. Since alone and solitary both contain the letter A, you can remember that alone refers to a state of solitude, rather than an emotion.

There are times we all feel lonely. The feelings of loneliness are personal, so everyone’s experiences of loneliness will be different.

One common description of loneliness is the feeling we get when our need for rewarding social contact and relationships is not met. But loneliness is not always the same as being alone.

You may choose to be alone and live happily without much contact with other people, while others may find this a lonely experience.

Or you may have lots of social contacts, or be in a relationship or part of a family, and still feel lonely – especially if you don’t feel understood or cared for by the people around you.

I never feel lonely when I’m in nature. I feel more connected than ever when I’m walking alone through a wood or by a river.

How can I manage loneliness?

This page has some tips and suggestions for managing feelings of loneliness:

• Take it slow
• Make new connections
• Try peer support
• Try to open up
• Talking therapies
• Social care
• Be careful when comparing yourself to others
• Look after yourself.

Some people find these ideas useful, but remember that different things work for different people at different times. Only try what you feel comfortable with, and try not to put too much pressure on yourself. If something isn’t working for you (or doesn’t feel possible just now), you can try something else, or come back to it another time.

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What is Depression, for each and every person suffering it is different? For each and everyone, it is one day at a time. There are things that are common for most people.

10 common symptoms of depression:

1. Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. An outlook that nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation.
2. Loss of interest in normal activities. You don’t care anymore about former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, sex, showering. You’ve lost your ability to feel joy and pleasure.
3. Eating habits or weight changes.  Weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.
4. Sleep patterns. Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning or oversleeping.
5. Anger or irritability. Feeling agitated, restless, or even violent. Your tolerance level is low, your temper short, and everything and everyone gets on your nerves.
6. No energy. Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete.
7. Self-hate. Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. You harshly criticize yourself for perceived faults and mistakes.
8. Reckless behaviour. You engage in escapist behaviours such as substance abuse alcohol and drugs can be prescription or not, compulsive gambling, reckless driving, or dangerous sports.
9. Concentration issues. Trouble focusing, making decisions or remembering things.
10. Unusual aches and pains. An increase in physical complaints such as headaches, back pain, aching muscles, and stomach pain.

One day at a time.

I identify with all the above to different degrees one day at a time. I have posted about some of the above already on here. Still awake at about 1.30 last night, I dozed off but woke again at around 3.30 as with most I looked at my phone to see the time and yes opened it and scrolled through social media, what the fuck did I think had changed since looking at it at 1.30.

Opened calm and selected a guided sleep meditation, a 15-minute body scan. Next thing it is 7 I have no inclination or desire to get up. Resisting the urge to pick up the phone and check facebook etc, instead, I do a reiki self-healing and a mindfulness breathing exercise. Often during my self-healing, I will fall asleep, this being my body and mind telling me that rest is needed. At about 10 the noise of the workmen outside disturbs me.

Replying to a few messages that I have got. Stay in bed and fester or get up, fester being the operative word as I’m not sure when I showered last and smell like a tramps pants. It is 12 before I drag my sorry ass out of bed and actually have a shower, I do a contrast shower as these always make me feel alive and give me a real kickstart, from as hot as is bearable to as cold as it goes, there are plenty of studies on the benefits of these showers and cold water therapy.

Day by day

The kitchen side is a mess, evidence of half a packet of crackers and copious amounts of cheese consumed after drinking 8 cans of lager, points to one of the above traits of eating and substance abuse. Tidy up make a brew, tell Alexa to play classical music and open the laptop. Writing or journaling does help me, with the music on in the background, a lamp to shed some light as it is rather bleak outside. In general, I write whatever comes into my head at the time, sometimes I will write on here and other times it will be in a notepad on the coffee table, one day at a time, I need to get back into the practice of doing my gratitude journal, every person that has had one of the journals from me loves them.

What will I do the rest of the day, going for one of my walks is not an option in this weather, yes it is only weather and skin is waterproof but there is no point in me getting soaking wet and miserable? No need to go to shops I got everything need, stew in the fridge which today is with my ultimate comfort food mashed potato, will be a bit of a twist on today’s version, some of the butter will be replaced with beef bone marrow, marrow bones put in the oven for about 15 minutes just until the marrow starts separating from the bone, added to the melted butter then stirred and whipped into the potatoes which have gone through the potato ricer. Rich, unctuous buttery and beefy mashed spud to go with my shin of beef stew.

Hobbies

There are still photos that need editing, another of my hobbies that have fallen by the wayside. Many of the pictures that I have posted lately have been done with the phone, the proper camera sat on the chair opposite since the last full moon when I took pictures that still sit on the memory card waiting for me to upload and edit. When I can be arsed which to be fair has not been that often lately I enjoy sitting and editing I find it mindful and helps me focus on something. In all honesty, I do not remember the last time I used the proper camera for my food photography. Nor the last time I took the time to write a recipe and share it oh except Ffion’s gooey Swedish chocolate cake we made yesterday.

Well, that’s another post for the blog. Another hour when I have not just sat and stared at the four walls. Another hour I feel that I have done something constructive with my time. Though I write for me and for my mental health if my ramblings and story can help just one other person then that is a result. Remember you are never alone and to take it one day at a time. Heres hoping the rest of the day goes well.

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I am writing this at 01:47, tonight I had a massive anxiety attack. Why I have no idea I was sat watching telly with a beer. I have had a bit of a shit day, the car failed its MOT resulting in a £200 bill. If I never lived where I do I could have easily said bollox to it. With no car where I live, I would be totally fucked. Took the car down at 11 for its MOT, there is nothing near the garage except a pub so while waiting I had a couple of pints. Fifty minutes later I get a call saying the car has failed. A few questions later and I am looking at a bill of £300 including the MOT. Just what I need right now HO fucking HO to the season of goodwill. I tell the garage to order the part.

Finishing my pint I pick the car up and go home until the parts in for the job to be done. A couple of hours later and I get a call saying the part is in and they can fit me in within the next hour. The car took back to the garage and another hour or so I need to waste.

The car finally sorted and back home. Couldn’t be bothered cooking so ordered takeaway, a rare occurrence for me these days.

Anxious

At about 10 I had a rising feeling of being anxious. No trigger no reason, starting in my stomach and rising. I was boiling hot and sweating and couldn’t catch my breath. It wasn’t because the flat was hot as I have the thermostat set at 19c except when Ffion is here if shes cold. I started doing some deep breathing exercises, doing my mindful breathing. It is hard to explain to someone the feeling I have at these times. I had a glass of ice-cold water when I have these attacks I drink it through a straw. Focusing on the sensation of the cold, the flow of the water, this is another mindful exercise and with the breathing takes the focus off the anxiety.

I was slightly less anxious now but still not totally calm, I went out to the garden, bear in mind it was around 0c and all I was wearing were shorts and a t-shirt. Sitting in the garden I did some more deep breathing exercises. In for 5, hold for 5 and out for 5. Whether it was the cold air filling my lungs or just being outdoors within about 5 minutes I was back to being calm. It wasn’t until I actually came back in that I noticed the cold. My skin stinging at the warmth of the flat. Though these attacks leave me drained I could not settle or sleep. The last time I looked at the time it was 5.56 am, the sleep I had wasn’t the best and I felt drained when I woke again about 3-4 hours later.

Exercise for anxiety and panic attacks

Panic attacks prompt catastrophic thinking with thoughts, which are most likely irrational and out of proportion to reality. However, the symptoms of a panic attack cannot be ignored and are no joke. Panic attacks can increase with time and prevent us from functioning well in everyday activities. To prevent anxiety from increasing and interfering with daily life, grounding exercises are recommended. These help us manage the symptoms of anxiety. As you feel your body becoming anxious, you can do these exercises to reduce the “spacey” feelings and prevent the spiral downward to a panic attack. One of the most common grounding techniques is the “5-4-3-2-1” exercise.

How it works

Start with conscious breathing. Breathe in for 5 seconds, hold the breath for 5 seconds, and breathe out for 5 seconds. Continue this pattern until you find your thoughts slowing down.

5. Acknowledge 5 THINGS around you that you can SEE. Maybe it is a clock on the wall, carpet on the floor, a table or chair, clouds moving past, or a nearby tree. However big or small, recognize 5 items you can see with your eyes.

4.  Acknowledge 4 THINGS around you that you can TOUCH. Maybe it is your computer at work, the chair you are sitting on, your legs or hair, or your wallet or purse. Recognize 4 items you can feel with your hands or body.

3. Acknowledge 3 THINGS around you that you can HEAR. Maybe it is the sound of people talking or walking, the laughter of children, birds chirping. Use your fine-tuning and see if you can hear ambient sounds you may not normally tune into – clocks ticking, cars going by. Name 3 things that are audible to you.

2. Acknowledge 2 THINGS around you that you can SMELL. This one may be tricky if you are not in a stimulating environment, so if you cannot automatically sniff something out, walk nearby to find a scent. You might walk to a bathroom to smell soap, outside to smell something in nature, lean over and smell a pillow on the couch, a pencil on the desk, or check to see how your deodorant is working today. Whatever it may be, take in the smells around you.

1. Acknowledge 1 THING that you can TASTE. It might be the aftertaste of coffee, gum or your last meal. Or take a sip of water or grab a snack if it is handy. I also recommend taking an additional deep breath when done.

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What is mindfulness? Take a moment to stop. Notice how you are sitting, your posture. Be aware of your breath. Can you feel your body? Can you feel any pain? Are you calm or is your mind racing? Are you feeling tense or are you comfortable? Too cold, hot or just right? Are you thirsty or hungry? What are you feeling this very second? Happy? Sad? Relaxed? Bored or irritable?

This is what Mindfulness is about.

Mindfulness is about being in the moment, being completely in the now. About noticing this very second, how you feel, what you think and want. Without criticism or judgement.

It is about learning to notice everything in your body. your mind and your environment. From the grumbles in your belly, the traffic nearby, pain in your back or knee, the snoring of your dog, the birds in the trees, flowers in the park, the taste of that square of chocolate.

Mindfulness is about noticing everything in the moment.

It is about learning to focus your attention in the present, this very second, this very millisecond, NOW! It is about living in the present time. Reading this it sounds such a simple thing to do yet it is so difficult for many of us.

It takes practice, effort, decision. Something so simple can be very difficult to do. But in time and by making it a daily practice you will gain the skill.

Mindful.

Mindfulness is:

• about being present
• focussing on the now
• a way to calm your thoughts
• a very effective way to relax
• a way to release creativity
• it boosts physical and emotional health
• a way to gain empathy and compassion

Why be mindful?

Mindfulness practices can help us to increase our ability to regulate emotions, decrease stress, anxiety and depression. It can also help us to focus our attention, as well as to observe our thoughts and feelings without judgment.

Mindfulness therapy can treat depression and anxiety just as well as drugs

In the biggest ever scientific review of its kind into mindfulness, in 2016 The Oxford Mindfulness Centre went some way to proving that Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (MBCT) can have significant results in preventing relapse in patients with long-term depression. Through teaching meditative techniques, and encouraging patients to absorb and analyse their emotions without being controlled by them, they showed patients who engaged in the therapy were 23 per cent less likely to suffer an episode of relapse than those who didn’t, even if they stopped taking their antidepressants. This only serves to back up the work of the scientists who devised MBCT just over a decade ago.

Mindful Exercises

Mindful Breathing

This exercise can be done standing up or sitting down, and pretty much anywhere at any time. If you can sit down in the meditation (lotus) position, that’s great, if not, no worries.

Either way, all you have to do is be still and focus on your breath for just one minute.

1. Start by breathing in and out slowly. One breath cycle should last for approximately 6 seconds.
2. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, letting your breath flow effortlessly in and out of your body.
3. Let go of your thoughts. Let go of things you have to do later today or pending projects that need your attention. Simply let thoughts rise and fall of their own accord and be at one with your breath.
4. Purposefully watch your breath, focusing your sense of awareness on its pathway as it enters your body and fills you with life.
5. Then watch with your awareness as it works work its way up and out of your mouth and its energy dissipates into the world.

If you are someone who thought they’d never be able to meditate, guess what? You are halfway there already!

If you enjoyed one minute of this mind-calming exercise, why not try two or three?

 Mindful Awareness

This exercise is designed to cultivate a heightened awareness and appreciation of simple daily tasks and the results they achieve.

Think of something that happens every day more than once; something you take for granted, like opening a door, for example.

At the very moment, you touch the doorknob to open the door, stop for a moment and be mindful of where you are, how you feel in that moment and where the door will lead you.

Similarly, the moment you open your computer to start work, take a moment to appreciate the hands that enable this process and the brain that facilitates your understanding of how to use the computer.

These ‘touchpoint’ cues don’t have to be physical ones.

For example, Each time you think a negative thought, you might choose to take a moment to stop, label the thought as unhelpful and release the negativity.

Or, perhaps each time you smell food, you take a moment to stop and appreciate how lucky you are to have good food to eat and share with your family and friends.

Choose a touchpoint that resonates with you today and, instead of going through your daily motions on autopilot, take occasional moments to stop and cultivate purposeful awareness of what you are doing and the blessings these actions brings to your life.

Mindful Appreciation

In this last exercise, all you have to do is notice 5 things in your day that usually go unappreciated.

These things can be objects or people; it’s up to you. Use a notepad to check off 5 by the end of the day.

The point of this exercise is to simply give thanks and appreciate the seemingly insignificant things in life, the things that support our existence but rarely get a second thought amidst our desire for bigger and better things.

For example, electricity powers your kettle, the postman delivers your mail, your clothes provide you warmth, your nose lets you smell the flowers in the park, your ears let you hear the birds in the tree by the bus stop, but…

• Do you know how these things/processes came to exist, or how they really work?
• Have you ever properly acknowledged how these things benefit your life and the lives of others?
• Do you ever think about what life might be like without these things?
• Do you ever stop to notice their finer, more intricate details?
• Have you ever sat down and thought about the relationships between these things and how together they play an interconnected role in the functioning of the earth?

Once you have identified your 5 things, make it your duty to find out everything you can about their creation and purpose to truly appreciate the way in which they support your life.

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